Figured I'd put up an update in case anyone is following my story.
GF is living with me full time. Her D17 just turned 18. D18 has a decent personality, but suffers from victim mentality, is very entitled, and has displayed just short of a temper tantrum when she doesn't get her way. It bothers me a lot seeing it, realizing the similarities to how xW acted.
xW has OM living with her. Some irony there I will get into further down. I guess I can't say anything when I have GF living with me.
xW and I started coparenting counseling a few months ago, the OFP expired on it's own. We talk randomly and text a couple times a week regarding the children and the schedule. I sometimes pick up or return the kids to her new house. I guess you could call that progress.
I lost my job the end of October, within 2 days of the anniversary of her filing the OFP ironically. The place I work has been in bankruptcy for a while and finally closed, everyone who worked there lost their job. The founders are still working on trying to get new investors and reopen the place. I talked to the CEO and he says he has me high on the list to be called back for some exciting new projects that are right up my alley.
In the mean time I am getting unemployment, filling my days working on GF's house getting it ready to sell, except the days I have my kids.
xW was being greedy and asking for more child support and attorney fees and alimony, so we didn't have a deal on the divorce decree. That made it much easier to adjust the amount when I lost my job. I explained this to xW, she said "you should be happy about that." I replied "you should be pissed at your attorney!" So, we are about to go to court, my atty fired herself, and they were suddenly more willing to be reasonable. Child support has been settled, they dropped the attorney fees. But they won't drop alimony! I was going to bring her to court for contempt, for taking stuff she shouldn't have. I dropped it so we could discuss it at counseling. The counselor seems to be helping, but she still hasn't turned over much.
I am still working on trying to get more time with the kids, again discussing at counseling. No major progress, but I have gained a few days here and there, and I am diligent about always asking for more. Per the decree I have 5 out of 14 days.
The things she has said in counseling have been interesting. I have gone off on her a few times now, I walked out one day because I was so upset, but we continue to go. A few sessions ago, I blew up, said "you cheated on me," which she yells back "no I didn't", I said "you lied to get an OFP," she replied "we can go trough it if you want, I know what I wrote." I said "I know who I am, I know what I did, and I did NOT do what you wrote in that OFP." She said "then why did you write that letter saying you understood why I left?" I said, "I thought you were having some issues, things that YOU needed to straighten out. But notice that I did NOT address any of the issues you brought up in the OFP.""
In another session I asked her "why an OFP?" She explained that she learned a lot in a couple days (meaning from the women's advocates group she went to see.) I told her my counselor used to work for them, and quit because she didn't agree with the things they do. My counselor told me a story about a woman who the advocates tried talking into accusing her husband of rape." So xW's counselor steps in and says "so you are saying she was fed a bunch of propaganda and she bought into it." I replied "yep."
It is very interesting to see xW going through all the motions that the typical spoiled brat does. When put on the spot, there are typical steps to go through.... start with defensiveness (instead of collaborating), when that doesn't work switch to changing the subject (but you did this..., or whatabout this....). In one session when she changed the subject, I started to address the new thing she brought up, and she replied "why are you changing the subject?" I replied "you did, I am just addressing your concern." So, a few tries at that, which always fail, move on to sarcasm. And the last step, which I haven't pushed her far enough to show her counselor real clearly yet, is utter childishness. She literally will revert to sticking her tongue out and making faces and mimicking!
In summary, I have witnessed this behavior enough in my life. My mom deals with things in a similar way, so I have been doing pretty well at just avoiding such subjects with her. xW is there at counseling ready to spring her childish methods, and it has been a good test for me to remain calm.... which I have always done, which just ticks her off more. But now GF's D18 acting that exact same way, while living in my house, has added a stressor that I don't really want to deal with. It's not my kids to deal with, but it is impacting me in a few ways... listening to her D18 scream at her "but why" over and over while GF remains calm. And her D18's lack of respect has trickled into her use of my stuff.
