NMC, as I see it, every argument between a couple can devolve into the specifics: I-did-this then you-did-this and then I-did-this and you-did-this.
It's hard for us to know how awful and crazy you were to each other during your bad times.
The thing that makes or breaks a marriage is your willingness to work on it unconditionally, to put your marriage above all else. If he is not willing to do that ... it's not going to work.
You can't change where he is right now. I would focus on yourself, and be the best person you can be. Be the person he would be crazy to walk away from. Admit to all your own failings, but hold on to your boundary, that you will not tolerate his relationship with his ex.
ForGump- This is how I ended the conversation yesterday. That I want to stop going in circles pointing out all this stuff we did that hurt each other in the past. I offered it would be more helpful if we make commitments to each other now about moving forward. I put all the things out there that I would work on, about myself and how I would prioritize the marriage. He didn't offer anything in return- he needs to think. I'm not stressing it or putting pressure. I take comfort in knowing I am doing my best.
I am definitely working on myself at this time. If he can't appreciate how serious I am to improve myself and to improve the marriage, there's nothing more I could do.
