I'm confused by the filing first?? I still don't want or agree to the divorce. Yes I'm better but I still love my wife and I don't want the divorce on me.
First, it's not about the divorce on you. Not at all - you have to remember, its not your fault and filing isn't on you, either.
Some have said that filing first puts your W as the defendant and having to answer the claims. That's true, which, in a way gives you the upper hand. It also is true that by you filing first gives you the choice of location - that way, she can't file in a different area and have the proceedings in a different area. In my case, this was all-to-important as the children were concerned.
Also, it can keep you from becoming a victim of very devious practices...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
