SH, please remind me specifically what MR message you want me to look at because it either didn't get through or I didn't find the right one. If you could just quote it here for me, and help me understand, I'd be very grateful. And then we can break out the tea and scones withMiss V! : )
Phoebe... You found the right one... You discussed it so... Return to review again, as this is key ... Look to the comments below... of the Buddha... Read between the lines and you will see with additional clarity... The Buddha comments provide the explanation that I would... Then we can chat over tea...
I look forward to our chat.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I came to look for you because it had been a while. I'm sorry this is a difficult time for you and brings up memories of last year. I think creating new memories while acknowledging that the old, happy memories will always be there, is the best thing you can do.
My Christmas is very different from last year's and the year before, but honestly, I'm okay with it. My new life is interesting and exciting and there are good things happening that I didn't expect.
I think indulging in cookies and spice teas and decorating your surroundings are just a perfect approach. And a clear indicator that you are not depressed!
It can be difficult to deal with changing relationships and I feel sad that I don't have much contact with the children I was a mother to for 16 years, but I've come to a kind of peace with it. I think the key is my mindset that I had those years with them and the good memories of relationships that I will always carry with me in my heart.
Your chicken tajmahcoop sounds awesome.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Hi, Painter!!! It is so lovely to hear from you. Thank you for checking in on me.
It is definitely a much different holiday season, but also, thankfully, one with much less drama and pain. I've been slowly figuring out what my new life might be like, and that is strange, yet also comforting. I'm creating new traditions and memories, spending time with new people. It's strange because it is so new, but comforting because it shows that life really does go on.
This year I have been slowly remembering that my happiness in the past wasn't simply a result of being married to H, therefore my happiness does not require his being in my life now.
Here's something encouraging: Monday night would have been my 21st anniversary, and it was also the day I realized my WH had truly run away from home, and wasn't just staying in a hotel overnight. I was worried that I would have a tough time if it, so I set up company and activities for the whole day, from waking to bedtime, and I had an unequivocally great day! I spent it with people who care about me, doing a bunch of fun things, from making a birthday cake for my dad to spending hours making Thai curry paste and then dinner using that very Thai curry. I just had fun.
More later. I'm a tired critter.
(((((Painter)))))
Hi to SH. I still plan on keeping up a journal here. It helps me straighten out my thoughts.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Today I was listening to a CD that I bought a few weeks ago, and the lyrics to this song finally made it through to my ears. This song sounds pessimistic, I suppose, but it doesn't come across that way to me. If you listen to it, it is strangely upbeat. Life isn't perfect, it isn't what I imagined, but it is what it is and it goes on. And you know what? I'm OK with that.
I liked my old life, but as the song says, "I miss it like a hole in the head."
It wasn't real and I don't need it. What I do have is the opportunity to make myself a life of my choosing, and that is a very good thing.
----------------------------
Holes, by Passenger
I know a man with nothing in his hands, nothing but a rolling stone He told me about when his house burnt down, he lost everything he owned He lay asleep for six whole weeks, they were gonna ask his mother to choose When he woke up with nothing he said I'll tell you something When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose Now I've got a hole in my pocket, a hole in my shirt, a whole lot of trouble, he said But now the money's gone, life carries on and I miss it like a hole in the head
I know a woman with kids around her ankles and a baby on her lap She said one day her husband went to get a paper and the mother *%$&#% never came back Mortgage to pay and four kids to raise, keeping the wolf from the door She said the wolf's just a puppy and the door's double locked so why you gotta worry me for Now he left a hole in my heart, a hole in a promise, a hole on the side of my bed Oh but now that he's gone, well life carries on and I miss him like a hole in the head
Well sometimes you can't change and you can't choose And sometimes it seems you gain less than you lose Now we've got holes in our hearts, yeah we've got holes in our lives Well we've got holes, we've got holes but we carry on
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
I like it. It sounds stark, but I find the message to be a strong one. Maybe early on I would have been struck by the sadness of the two stories. Instead, their strength and resilience resonates. "The wolf's just a puppy and the door is double-locked..." and "I miss him like a hole in the head."
It works with where I am now. I'm not bitter. I am not angry. I am just moving forward and finding that to be a good thing.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
I'm sad and struggling a bit this evening. I just decorated my Christmas tree (finally) with my Mom's help, and after she left, I just started feeling really lonely. Then I saw this ornament on the tree that I love.
It's just a silly little felt penguin, but a couple years ago my mom and I each made one. We did it together and it was fun and we got to spend time together while we made our little projects. She gave hers to my father, and I gave mine to my STBXH. They are super cute, and I love the little thing. STBXH's hung in our out-of-state kitchen all through 2015 because it was too cute to put away. I brought it back to my farm right before Christmas to make sure it got put on the tree... and then STBXH ran away a couple days later.
Anyway, I though I'd be fine, so I hung the little ornament on the tree, but it tugged at me. I looked at it again, and it just made me sad. I decided that I would give it away and I just finished boxing it up, and now I'm sadder yet, flooded by memories of making the thing with my mom, giving it to H, then the way it all ended...
Monday was a full year, and I can still be hit by little rogue waves. I just want to go curl up somewhere and hide for the rest of the season. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, and now it is all so tightly tied up with the pain of last season. I wonder if the season will be tainted forever. I've been trying so hard not to let it get to me, and yet, here I am again, crying by a Christmas tree. damn.
I guess I sort of decided to skip christmas cards this year. I just don't want to face them. I bought the cards, and nice stamps, and then I just kind of ignored the project...
I'm just tired, sad, and lonely tonight. It's just me and the Christmas tree, and the tree's not very snuggly.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
I'm sorry Phoebe (((((hugs))))) and it isn't surprising that the festive season is tugging at you. BD for me was in the summer and that Xmas, I just did not want Xmas to be happening - AT ALL! I averted my eyes from every sign of Xmas, turned off Xmas music - everything.
I actually spent a pleasant Xmas day with Mum, Dad and a couple of their friends. And two years on my memories of that day are good ones. I also feel quite settled and even about it being Xmas this year, so please don't feel it will be this way for ever.
Just do what you can this Xmas and don't worry about the things you don't feel up to. The festive season will pass and life will move forward again Sweetie.
Keep posting and do take care my friend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
