In the months leading up to BD I had so much anger and resentment against H ... It poisoned our relationship and it poisoned me. I worked on it in therapy - I work with a depth hypnosis practitioner in the Bay area who is amazing. I've known her for 20 years. She pointed out that the anger and resentment were causing more harm. There was a lot of prayer and meditation involved. I dug deep into the anger and resentment and kept going deeper and deeper until i realized that under it all was this wellspring of love that hadn't diminished. Then I think I made a conscious decision to choose the love rather than the anger and resentment. I remember feeling like a burden had been lifted off of me when i let it go ... doesn't mean I haven't been angry with him since but it goes as fast as it comes and there's a deep vein of compassion that I readily tap into that's replaced the festering anger and resentment. M there is freedom in this, believe me. It's a conscious decision aided by prayer and meditation. That's been my experience anyway. Actually, I think part of the reason this is so painful for me is that I still love my husband dearly. I know his rage is a terrible burden and it hurts me to know that he chooses that instead of the love I know he still feels for me.

But, it's his battle to fight, not mine. Hope this helps xoxoxoxo

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver