3 Years post BD ... I did'nt die. :D

[Gordie]

Previous Thread : http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...140#Post2663140

Ok ... 23 Threads later and here I am. Out of Nostalgia I did go back and read some tidbits of my first threads. Wow ... just 2 years ago seems like a lifetime and reading someone else's life TBH, I read some vet advice and it was not as clear then to me as it is now. A lot has changed for me .... the sitch is the same if not worse but I am in fact light years better.

Just a bit of history .. I will try to condense the last 3 years as best I can. My BD was actually around Sep13, I did not find this place till about Jul14. Took me a bit to realize it was not just a WAW but a full blown MLC that I suspect was triggered 2011-2012. I would bet dollars to donuts it was the incarceration of BIL3 for an act that actually made STBX deal with some childhood trauma (Most likely happened Nov when she was 14), this box was opened and shared a bit with me in late 2015/early 2016 but rather than deal with it I do believe she closed it up and ran back into replay. There have been a few touch and go's throughout ... the biggest one Mar15 that probably lasted will around Aug/Sep15. Same OM present throughout the crisis with multiple breakups. We have been separated since Nov13 with a brief 'back together' period from June15-Feb16 when I discovered a TM to OM. I moved out 10 days later and have been as dark as one can be sharing joint custody of our S9.

I continue to post here, not as frequent but in the hopes to continue to document this MLC thing as at this point its really like a science experiment. I have learned so much over the past 2 years, not only here and similar sights but also in just my own personal growth and development as I have addressed some bad behaviors I had developed over the years, and acknowledge one is never really done improving themselves if he is to truly live.

I was finally served D papers last weekend, I really was not that emotional over it. There was disappointment and dread leading up to the day I received the packet but once I opened it up and read it through its very much the same as the mediation paperwork I have filled out 4 times ... yes 4 times now. Only grief is I was served 1 day after my B-day but over the past few years that's just PAR for the course it seems. I figure D can not be as bad as the Limbo for the past 3 years have been, and I really would like to stop renting out a place and actually buy something sooner than later ... one can not do that with a MLC spouse who is all over the place.

My interactions with STBX have been seldom. She typically texts me concerning S with school and such, emails me concerning schedule which has been the hot-spot as of late. Last week she arranged to go out of town and wanted me to swap all sorts of days to which I couldn't/wouldn't So she had her lawyer call me and 'negotiate' the schedule. Turns out her out of town trip would have meant she only would have seen S 1 day for the entire week, I agreed to a change for that week in order to lock her down long term alternating weekends rather then split them up as W has been demanding the past month.

She did show up for S's baseball game, I caught her looking over at me a couple times and she looked back to her stressed out self. I still am amazed at how bad they really look but put on a show like they are the happiest they have been in their life.

Back in late May she did temp check ... texting me how she made a horrible mistake, wanted me to not be so 'Hard' talking about what her therapist had told her but 2 days later was back in the tunnel... I have learned over the past 3 years not to jump at these things any longer and just stay back and let her process it all on her own .... that fix it mentality has been suppressed through all this.

So as far as me, I am busy ... very busy with work, my sports, S's sports and just day to day stuff I do not even have time to date if I desired to do so. I think one day maybe things will settle down but TBH I am just trying to listen to what God wants me to do and walk that path the best I can. I go to church every Sunday and take S when I have him, listen to Christian radio constantly and have found it keeps me level and at peace. I have accepted STBW is still deep in crisis and just pray it does not effect S much and I do hope she finds happiness wherever/whenever that may be for her.

For whatever reason I do think she will come out of it, but I think the damage caused will be to much for her to face so she may just accept whatever her life might be ... time will tell on this, I will continue to life my life with an open door outlook regardless who may come in and out of it I will just take it day by day as I have been.

Calicut, I am new to all of this and am inspired by how you really hope for the best for your W. Thank you for sharing.