Not even married a year- hopeless?

[ForGump]

NMC--

What seemed to me to be small things -- forgetting to do something she asked, or putting things in the wrong place -- she'd take as a deep, personal affront, an insult to and an assault on her self-worth. The type of things she'd get angry about, and the intensity of the anger, were astounding to me. For example, once we had just moved to a new town and she asked me where she should go get groceries. So I told her about warehouse-type store where I had gone a couple of times. An hour later, I get a call from her at work, and she is livid. She cusses me out for failing to tell her that they only take debit and cash (she had brought only her credit cards), and she hangs up on me. She stays angry at me for days. No apologies.

And so I sought out couples therapy early on in hopes of resolving that, but really just learned to accommodate her irrational anger and live with it. I didn't really learn until about a year ago that she likely suffers from a recognized mental condition.

Anyway, we are just learning about your situation, and we only have a partial picture of your marriage. And we will always have only a partial picture, a one-sided story at that. So while it's easy for us to tell you that your H should stop seeing his ex, only you have the whole picture and only you can make the ultimate decision on what to do.

It appears to me that your H is unwilling to let go of his ties to his ex, even though his marriage to you has reached a breaking point because of it. Whether or not his relationship to his ex is innocent, whether or not you have an anger problem, his unwillingness or inability to value his marriage to you above his relationship to his ex... that is a very bad sign. You really don't want to be married long-term, not to mention be co-parents, with someone like that. As I said, even people who enjoy a very harmonious marriage for decades wind up here in this forum. Marriage is damn hard, and I don't think you want to start your first year of marriage like this.

Your H coming home from work and going straight to the home office ... maybe he had legitimate reason to be hurt by you, but any man with any kind of a backbone, or heart, would not run away from his woman like that. He'd come talk to you. What the hell is going on. How can we resolve this. I love you.