One word of caution Bman. Even though you are getting along ok with the W don't expect the reality of the situation to hit her and "wake her up". With my W I thought maybe telling the boys she was moving would make her realize how unreasonable she was being. It didn't phase her a bit. While they are in the fog it seems once they set their mind to something they have to go through with it. I think my W thinks if she doesn't see what it's like to live on her own she will regret it for the rest of her life. I hope that she sees that it's a lot less exciting than what she thinks it's going to be. In the meantime I get all this free time to do whatever the hell I want. Who knows maybe in the end I'll be the one that is happier apart. The only difference is I would hope that even if I liked being apart I would at least try to R in order to keep my family together.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
Thanks for the advice Billy - I really appreciate the reality check. That had crossed my mind in the past as I have read this a few times that she has to take her journey irrelevant of what I say or do - but deep down I have been living in hope ( denial ) that she won't go through with it. I have been thinking over and over about when to bring up the logistics of her moving out but think I will let her bring it up once she sets a solid date to leave. It has been 6 months this week that she BD me and she said she will plan to leave mid next year. She just got a new job so I think it won't be too long till she starts to look for a new place to move in to. I will use my new time to myself for my own gain but I have to address the financial arrangements because if we still share finances ( 90 percent earned by me ) then I will be meeting weekly to discuss budgets and having to answer to her every dollar I spend - highly unacceptable for my future I think. It will be a source of conflict because it will be a first time that I will be stating what I believe is acceptable for me. I want to leave the door open but can't be left like this and then have to stay attached at the wallet. Any ideas on whether I just let her do what she wants for 6 - 12 months then bring it up or just do it sooner when she announces she is leaving ??? Suggestions appreciated :-/
M 44/ W43 TOGETHER 26 YRS M16 S13/S10 ILYBANILWY JULY 16 STILL LIVING IN SAME HOUSE
I would ensure all separation arrangements, including finances, access and custody arrangements are clearly set out in a written agreement at the point of separation.
In fact - if you haven't done so already, I would consult a L and seek advice on how best to protect your own interests and those of the kids in the event she chooses to leave.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Geordie - it is amazing how many people are living such similar situations on here - no wonder they use the term - script - sorrry you are going through this too.
M 44/ W43 TOGETHER 26 YRS M16 S13/S10 ILYBANILWY JULY 16 STILL LIVING IN SAME HOUSE
One word of caution Bman. Even though you are getting along ok with the W don't expect the reality of the situation to hit her and "wake her up". With my W I thought maybe telling the boys she was moving would make her realize how unreasonable she was being. It didn't phase her a bit. While they are in the fog it seems once they set their mind to something they have to go through with it. I think my W thinks if she doesn't see what it's like to live on her own she will regret it for the rest of her life. I hope that she sees that it's a lot less exciting than what she thinks it's going to be. In the meantime I get all this free time to do whatever the hell I want. Who knows maybe in the end I'll be the one that is happier apart. The only difference is I would hope that even if I liked being apart I would at least try to R in order to keep my family together.
My W is also set on her path. I keep thinking something like telling the kids will wake her up but I've been wrong all along. My W also wants to be independent and sees S or D as the path to that goal.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Thankyou Sotto - I will start with speaking with a L to at k sat have things squared away in the best interests of my kids and my future. That will help ease the uncertainty a little. Billy's a few months ahead if where I am at and his posts have been very helpful due to his calm nature and approach.
M 44/ W43 TOGETHER 26 YRS M16 S13/S10 ILYBANILWY JULY 16 STILL LIVING IN SAME HOUSE
Had a busy weekend. The catch is that most of it was spent with my W. Friday night we were out until midnight finishing up our Christmas shopping. Saturday S10 had a basketball game and after that the boys went to play at a friends house. I went to W house and we wrapped presents for 3 hours. W went out with a friend Saturday night. We woke up Sunday morning and got in the hot tub for a couple hours then went to her parents house for Christmas dinner.
The weekend was fine except for the fact that it felt so normal. The problem is it's anything but normal. W is moving out in 1 week. I am still struggling with how to handle myself once she leaves. Do I totally pull back and move on and see if she misses me or do I continue with our friendly type of interactions we are having now. If we remain the way it is now do I risk being put in the friend zone for good? Is it best to just go on with my life and if she comes to me deal with it then? I know what feels right but that isn't always the best course of action. I am convinced there is no OM and if there is then she is very good at hiding it. I do think she is curious what it is like to be on her own like maybe she missed something being married so young. If any vets could weigh in on how they think I should proceed please do so.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
Had a lot of time to think today at work. I am looking back on most of my recent interactions with my W. I am just so lost as to what to do. While I like the fact that we can talk about day to day things and its pleasant. I don't know if these interactions are good or bad going forward. I was thinking and I don't know if this is what's best for me or not. If it can be a building block for the future that's great but I don't want to put myself in a position to get my hopes up. I am sure everybody will say she's cake eating. Should I just shut down the things we are doing together and pull back even more. I never call or text W. She has tm me pretty much every morning for the past 3 weeks about one thing or another. The last 2 weeks she calls most of the time instead of a tm. If this is her slowly softening I don't want to hurt that by suddenly changing the way I am acting. Just not sure what to do.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
I'm in a very similar situation. Mine says that she will not work on the relationship and we have no chance for romance. On top of that, there is plenty of disrespectful behavior. We generally get along in daily life but it is miserable. Sounds like your is cake eating too. I'm figuring out what I want to do...
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
