Hanging and hoping- seperation edition

[BillyHo]

Not a whole lot happened this week. Had a lot of basketball practices and game for S7 and S10. W is almost moved out. Most of the furniture she's taking is out just clothes and loose ends remain. The plan is she will officially be out on the day after Christmas. W and I have been getting along nicely and are communicating probably better than ever. The boys are doing well considering but S10 struggles at times(he's a real thinker and very emotional) I reassure him that we love him and things we be ok no matter what. FIL and MIL are still pretty upset with W about all of this. FIL hasn't talked to W in 4 weeks since she told him.

W asked if I would go out shopping just her and I this evening. We will probably do dinner and try to finish our Christmas shopping. Still is very strange that we can get along almost like nothing is different yet she's leaving me in a week. Still would like some input as to how to approach our relationship/interactions once she moves.

[Jug]

Wow. Does she want to go shopping because you are going to pay? If that is the case, my vote is to not go and be used.

[Gordie]

BillyHo,

Thanks for sharing your story. I've been taking the kids to church without my W too and it is hard but it's good that you are persevering.

My W also acts like everything is normal most days, even though she wants to D in January. I have no advice other than to take care of yourself and stop trying to figure out what your W is doing or thinking. I spend hours and hours doing that to no one's benefit!

[BillyHo]

Thanks for checking in guys. I am paying but it's all gifts for the boys. We are doing Christmas all together this year so she does a lot of the shopping and I pay. Once she moves out she is on her own financially. I know not to read her mind sometimes it's hard not to try though.

[Bman72]

Hi Billy - it sounds like things ar settling for the time being. I am currently on a family holiday with my W and kids overseas. Same here - very civilised. I think it is because they are getting what they want - their space and freedom and having us close but not too close. They want civility and to feel like they are taking control of their future - my W plans to move out in the next few months - has said she wants to share finances still - I have not told her I find this unreasonable yet because I don't want to do anything to make matters worse - once she confirms what she will be doing then I will raise the discussion. Did you W try this or did she accept that she was to support herself once she left ?

[Gordie]

Hi Billy - it sounds like things ar settling for the time being. I am currently on a family holiday with my W and kids overseas. Same here - very civilised. I think it is because they are getting what they want - their space and freedom and having us close but not too close. They want civility and to feel like they are taking control of their future - my W plans to move out in the next few months - has said she wants to share finances still - I have not told her I find this unreasonable yet because I don't want to do anything to make matters worse - once she confirms what she will be doing then I will raise the discussion. Did you W try this or did she accept that she was to support herself once she left ?

My W and I are planning on separating early next year and W still wants to plan family vacations. Is this normal? I'm okay with a family vacation but not sure how the logistics work.

[BillyHo]

Once my W decided she needed to move out she knew that we would be separating finances. I am the primary bread winner and she only works part time. We did cash in 2 of our mutual funds. I let her have the bigger of the 2 and I took the other. She is now going to have to work more but with the extra money she will still be able to stay home with the boys the majority of week days. I helped her in this way because at the time of the decision we had both been miserable and not talking for months. When she said she was moving out I felt it was the only way for us to move forward no matter how it ends up. It is a strange sitch but we are getting along well since the decision to move.

Still not sure what things look like once she moves but I will play it by ear and take any suggestions I get here into consideration.

[Vanilla]

There is no normal.

If you and your WW split 50 50 then inevitably she will have to work full time pay her way.

Unless you are prepared to pay for her (probably for the rest of her life) why should she not work to build her life, her pension?

The longer you delay then the fewer the consequences for WW.

It's time to get the piper to play the tune.

My 2c

V

[Bman72]

I know the discussion will have to take place between now and when she moves out - at this stage I have just listened to her plans and what she wants and because she has given me so much notice of her plan to leave I am letting it settle for now. If my wife tells me that she has no intention of living kooky back then she has to make her own future - of course that can just be how she feels for now but she has to see the full reality of leaving the family unit.
Family holidays are hard esp when you are still very much in love and attracted to them - detaching is hard ! I want to use every opportunity to spend time together and the kids deserve this but it does come at a price to you. Esp over this time of year - it is surreal being on holiday thinking that this could be our last holiday as a family ever.

[Bman72]

Auto spell strikes again ! Living kooky back = looking back.