Today has been a bit of a rollercoaster. Now the only thing I have in common with ex is our M certificate (I have closed the joint account as we were charged for it when there has been no financial transactions for the last 6 months). Today I have been 6 months into my house (can't believe how time flies). Today was the day we buried my MIL few years ago, so I went on her grave to put some flowers and asked her to protect her grandchildren. Today ( a year ago) was the day I met ex and OW (despite them being out and about in town for few years and behaving like a couple) in town together as a couple, while I was thinking he might be back with us for Xmas.

So a lot to deal with, and I had my cry although now I feel like another chapter of my life has been closed. The next one is the D. I feel a tad lighter as I realise that I'm moving on and closing one by one each door that has a link with ex. I have come to understand that so far every major decision has been made by me: kicking him out (ex said that it made his choice easier between his family and OW. Selling the marital home ( which was financially draining us). Having to put my dog to sleep (ex said it was my way to retaliate, when in fact my dog was so unwell that it had to be done. Filing for legal separation so everything was taken off financially) and today closing joint account which was costing us a lot and was empty.

All this has taught me that ex would blame me as I never made (according to him) any decision when in fact I have made most of them pre-BD, but it shows that ex is a coward as he has everyone else doing his dirty job, so he can freely blame them. Now ex will be expecting me to file. I will let him do his dirty work.

Ex isn't a MLC as he is behaving the same as when we were married, so I see him as a WAS and his affair was only an affair exit. Next month it will be 2 years BD and I'm sick and tired of feeling low, reminiscing about it all as I keep going round again and again. I'm off the rollercoaster, enough is enough I want to be happy, and at the moment it is without ex.