I remember in the first or second year of my marriage, feeling so frustrated and cornered by my wife's irrational, explosive anger. I remember after an angry outburst from her, going out to our backyard in the dark, under-dressed and feeling cold, looking up at the night sky and feeling so lonely, wondering, who did I marry, should I leave. But I couldn't, because she was already pregnant with our child. Things got a little better after the pregnancy and we even had some good times yet ... here I am in this forum.
A person's basic character doesn't change. Mental health issues take years to improve, if at all. Look at your husband with your eyes wide open. 34 isn't that old. You are still young.
I hope this helps you.
ForGump- Absolutely! I'm curious about your wife's anger. What would happen when she was angry? What would she get angry about? I can understand that loneliness you felt so well. For half of our married year together, my husband ignored me. He would come home stressed from work (whether I jumped on him to kiss him when he walked in, or gave him time to relax before I kissed him, either way it was an annoyance for him), go straight to the home office (to not be with me, not to work most times), and wouldn't spend any time with me during the evenings. He wouldn't make plans for the weekends. I would cry myself to sleep so many nights because there was no affection, no intimacy, and I would go to bed alone almost every night.
My husband would say I was angry and violent because of my "outbursts". These outbursts were almost always about him lying and me finding out about it. Every single time. Even though I had reason to be mad, I've been seeing a therapist and learned how to better manage my anger. The other night when my husband was screaming and pointing his finger in my face, I didn't yell back, as I would have in the past. It felt good once he left that I was able to stay in control.
He often used my anger as an excuse to say that's why he didn't want to have sex with me, even though I would only get upset when I discovered he was lying about something. So things would go like this: we'd have an argument where I would yell, then weeks would go by because he "needed time" after an argument to feel attracted to me again (we never, ever had make-up sex), then when 2 months would go by without any sex, I would bring it up, he would get angry, we'd argue, and the clock would start over again.
Wondering if anyone has been through something life this.
I know I'm not old, but I spent 4.5 years with this man and we had wanted children together. By the time this resolves, I feel like I may have lost my chance to have children. I spent many years working on my career and so it's hard not to feel bad about this.
