Hi Pitiful. (I hope you change that name in the near future. ). You may feel everything you've called yourself, plus the names your H has thrown at you. You need to take slow, deep, breaths right now, okay? When we panick, we aren't in the best shape to process some things.
Let me pick up where you were away on your trip and knowingly drank wine to up your courage to carry on with the OM. First of all, this is EXACTLY what leads to affairs, and to serial cheating......and acting as Girls Gone Wild. Second of all, you don't know who you were dealing with (OM). Yes, he is a guy at the gym where you go. You do not know the horrors of what may be attached to him.......or the horrors he could cause you and your family. Without getting into specific stories, I hope this will scare the mess out of you........just like it scared me. It is very dangerous and a careless act to start flirting and getting ego strokes from men you barely know by name. In the beginning, the flirting is *suppose* to not be taken seriously. What harm can it be, right? Well, you know how it made you feel. Add a sense of naughtiness and secrecy......and you will be addicted before you know what has hit you. Be glad you were caught before anymore time passed. Nothing good comes from that type of actitivity. Don't mean to sound like your grandmother preaching at you. I also got involved with OM that started out with flirtatious messaging.
Your H has the right to feel what he feels. But he doesn't have the right to treat you like a prisoner. He may need some physical space for a few days, IDK. Btw, the 37 rules are not really tailored for your particular position. For now, we need to help you get both feet firmly planted, and know what you can do.
Transparency should be an agreement between you and your H (or it can be just your own decision as to what you will do), about how you can give an account of your whereabouts, electronic contacts, etc. It can be effective in earning the trust you have broken, by maintaining an open record for your H. It helps you stick to your resolve to never enter those realms of betrayal again. Transparency should not be needed for the rest of your life. It is a plan to use until your H feels he can trust you. It is not for punitive purposes.
Okay, maybe others can offer suggestions of what you can do, and I will start this off by telling you to block OM's calls, FB, and anything else that was used or had in common with each other. That also includes the gym. Don't trust going at a different time or day b/c that does not work to assure your H. It would only take one slip with the OM showing up when you were there......and blow up the MR. It is not worth your M. You can go to another gym or just stop altogether. Do not ask anyone any questions about OM. Break/block any source of connecting with him. If you accidentally see him across the store, for instance, drop everything and take off. You cannot afford to take a chance in anyone seeing you two speaking. Even if you were trying to tell him to get lost, there is that chance of word getting back to your H (especially if you live in a small town). I'm sure it goes without saying that if the OM should call you at work......or show up......do not tolerate it for a second.
There are various devises that track your car, show what you've typed with your keyboard, who you've called on the phone, etc. If your H wishes to use it, then your attitude should be "no problem" and actually welcome anything that will back you. If you go shopping, save receipts. If you eat out.....save receipts. Anything that shows you were where you said you were, is a way of accounting to your H. Of course, it is up to your H if he decides to believe you or not. And if he doesn't, there isn't much else you can do.
Do not shut your bedroom door. Do not shut the door to your computer room. Do not go outside to talk on the phone. Do not walk into another room to talk on the phone, even if it is your mother. It is vitally important to prevent anything from appearing as secretive or private. That requires you being aware of your actions at all times.
I want to say something about you being scared when traffic was slow and your H going into another rage. This is not right. As much as he wants to make you hurt, it is not his place to punish you. It is one thing for you to love your H, but it is another to be treated as if you are his child, or a prisoner. Know what I mean? Your fear and his punitive ways could easily cause you and your H to set an unhealthy pattern in the MR. Transparency has to have your cooperation and willingness to make your H feel secure in the M again. It is for you to earn his trust, and to help him feel secure again. It has nothing to do with forgiveness.
Forgiveness cannot be earned, b/c it is an act of grace. If he continues to berate you, then you may have to readjust a few actions, but it is basically up to him to forgive, or not. Currently, he is not ready nor willing to forgive you. IMHO, you do not have to spend your life with a spouse who is unwilling to forgive........just as a spouse does not have to live with a cheater.
If you have been remorseful (and it sounds that you are) and you are doing everything you can to be transparent, then it is basically up to him and time to help with the healing and forgiveness. He refuses to attend MC, so that tells me something is imperfect in your H. Perhaps this is his usual behavior or reaction to things that cause this much fury? Does he hang on to resentments and refuse to forgive others for their transgressions?
It has only been about a week. So, give him time. Don't smother him with your presence or talking too much. Currently, I don't suggest you go out to GAL without your H, due to his suspicions. Don't talk about what happened, unless he asks questions. Make things at home as pleasant as you can, and don't beg, whine, etc. Although you did wrong, you have expressed your sorrow and resolve to not engage in that type of behavior again. So, wash your face and hold your head up. Not in a prideful/stubborn manner, but as if to say you are going forward in being a better person and as a faithful spouse. You will do whatever it takes to save your M. Hopefully, your H will get on board with you.
This post is way too long already, but you might want to tell us how happy your relationship was with your H, before you succumbed to getting an emotional need met by another man. I have a feeling, there is much more to the story. And before anyone starts hollering it's no excuse to cheat........I know.
You will discover the majority of board members are left behind spouses and have endured a unique pain that perhaps you or I will never experience. I've hung around here a long time, and it has been extremely rare that a LBS lashes out with angry words toward me. These folks are a special lot, IMHO. They are some of the most selfless people I have had the privilege of knowing, as much as one can on an anmonious forum. I believe we all learn from each other, and I certainly have learned a lot from the people on the DB board.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
). You may feel everything you've called yourself, plus the names your H has thrown at you. You need to take slow, deep, breaths right now, okay? When we panick, we aren't in the best shape to process some things. 
