W never asked and I didn't ask about dinner. I will not be attending. I don't see a need. (other than to show the new cheesy2.0) But with as emotional and up and down I've been I'm not sure this is a good idea for me. I need to look out for me and It will most likely just make me upset. I gotta continue making decisions for me and about me, instead of decisions for W and D, or about them. I must continue moving forward with my life and I believe going to the dinner will only set me back, or keep me where I currently am. (which I'm not crazy about)
My IC believes W was just temp checking me with the meltdown when I picked up my things. And that Because I'm still there she backed off. which obviously makes sense and as we know from being here happens often. IC also thinks I need to quit telling myself I'm back to square one because I'm really not. And that recovering from this "relapse" should be much easier and take less time than when the initial BD happened. Can't say I don't agree. IC also pointed out that the emotional support I received from W can be filled with my other relationships, and I must not let my brain trick me into thinking that can only be fulfilled by a significant other or my W.
I have a very busy two/ three weeks coming up. I fly home tomorrow morning for my niece's birthday party, then I fly back for the week of work then fly back home for Xmas. all while I am staying until Jan 5th with the original family / friends I went to Europe with over the summer. My roommate's parents are coming from Europe and my "room" is their only guest room. Of course, I offered to move out for the 3 or so weeks. it'll be nice to have a change for a bit. as I was telling my IC, I've settled into a nice little routine with my new home and "family"
really excited to spend time with the fam over Xmas. It's the first time cheesyt2.0 will be around with them all. I'm in a much better place than ever. (usually I argue or "fight" with a family member, yes its always me and someone else) so it'll be nice to have all 20ish of us there and be able to control my temper and just enjoy things.
I know I'll have a few more "bad" or "sad" days in the next weeks or so but I know and i'll try to remind myself that I've been down this road before and I made it out. I will get through this again.
