I have to agree with Jeep and ForGump. I will go even further and say that I would not be surprised that your marriage began under false pretenses. Not on your part, but that of your H. I suspect he either M you in order to punish his ex, apply emotional pressure to his ex, or in order to get over his ex......and now he is miserable. Did he ever tell you why he broke up with her? Do they have a child together?
Sandi2- He was always vague about why he chose to end his engagement with her- I got various answers like he wasn't in love with her, the sex was awful, she wasn't a motherly type, etc. Clearly this is all nonsense- I especially realized that when she got married last year and just gave birth to her first child. That doesn't seem very motherly, right? My husband and her do not have any children together.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
His actions strongly hint he is not a man of integrity. Anytime a man or woman continues a so-called friendship with an ex-fiancé while entering a new relationship with another person........ red flags are waving high. I am not referring to a polite hello, if unexpectantly running in to the ex. I mean where they continue contacting each other frequently. It is especially serious and extremely questionable when those messages become secretive. Forget transparency with their messaging.........they should have no contact whatsoever.
Absolutely agree with you 100%. The messages were secret from the beginning. I've no idea what has been going on because we don't live together now and I haven't gone through his phone in ages- I'm sure he's wisened up and is more secretive now.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Another big flag wave is him not wanting to engage in having sex with you, and his reaction to you trying to touch him. Did he have any issues before the past 6 months, like ED, or something else?
No issues. No ED. He's a physically healthy man. At one point he told me he was watching so much porn that he feels this was interfering with him having sex with me. This revelation came months after him blaming me for our lack of a sex life.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Does his family live near? Do you know very much about his childhood and school years?
His family lives overseas. He has one sibling who is now in the area for the last 2 years. I know bits and pieces of his childhood. I would tell him he is a man wrapped up in his past. Many girlfriends. He used to like to talk about them a lot in the beginning.
2 weeks ago his not-so-smart sister called us at 7AM to inform him an ex of his died. His first gf, first love. When I asked him what the call was about, because it's obvious when someone get a bad news phone call at 7AM, he denied anything was wrong until I pushed for it. I do not understand his hang-ups and why he is so stuck in his past, particularly past relationships.
When I first moved into his apartment, he had keepsakes from exes everywhere. He never thought he should put those away or clean up, especially as the wedding got closer. So disrespectful.
I feel like such a dummy thinking back on all this.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
I am so sorry you are in this situation. I hope you will not try to get pregnant, thinking that will change him. It only makes things worse.
Absolutely not! Having children with him is out of the question.
