Ugh, trying to stay calm and positive right now. Last night H didn't say anything to me for hours after being home, which is typical since this and I expected. I said something to him once, just generic really can't even remember what it was about, and he pretty much told me to get lost. At 10 he took a sleeping pill which he has picked back up since all of this, and an hour later came in my room and said he was in a slightly good mood so now was the time for me to talk. He was high off the pill, I get that, but I was going to use this opportunity. I have been leaving him little notes morning and night telling what I appreciate about him and that I love him. He told me I should just stop that. Then we got back into rehashing what had happened and still trying to make sense of it all. He listened for a while then just kept saying, "this isnt going to work, I'll never get over this." I take that with a grain of salt because I know in his mind right now it seems impossible but hopefully with time it will get better. I know he'll never be able to fully "forget" but have a future with me...I am hoping so. Anyway, the conversation just finally drifted and I ran out of things to say...found myself begging and trying to convince him that I would never stop trying to prove my love for him. He stayed quiet for the most part, so I just kept trying to talk til I knew he was done with the convo. So I said I love you, goodnight. His response was p*ss off. Not long after that he had gone to bed and I heard talking. I got up to find what it was and thought at first he was talking on the phone, then I realized he was just listening to my old voicemails. I knew nothing was on there...or ever has, so I didn't let it get to me and went back to bed.
On to this morning, I get to work and send him my regular email that I'm at work along with my schedule. No response-fine. A little side note - we've gone into an investment on a property with his brother. We all work together on this and some stuff came up last night that I said I would look into the next day (today). I looked into it and sent out two emails to both of them with what I had found or understood....and nothing. He hasn't even said one word about that, which is pure business. Now I'm nervous he's mad at himself for talking to me last night. He did that after we had sex two nights after this all blew up. He regretted that and went into overdrive in making sure I knew things hadn't changed. He still wanted nothing to do with me. Now I'm afraid...even though it was far from sex that he is upset that he let himself talk to me last night and things are going to be extra rough when I get home tonight. Trying to mentally prepare myself, but I can only prepare for so much.
