D and MLC

[ciluzen]

Thanks everyone. I really love coming here to feel the love and support...I read everyone's posts and try to keep up with what's happening in your lives. We are all on such a wierd, wild and winding road trip together. I never cease to be amazed at what our spouses' latest antics are like.

So, I'm having a wierd day and am fighting the tears. Just...confused, hurt, feeling like I shouldn't be hurt. I don't know. Haven't really been able to name the feelings yet.

I texted XH to tell him I needed to grab some paintings at the office and offered to get replacement pictures from storage. He texted back that I should come back after 5 and that a good mutual friend would be dropping baked goods off at his office. I went to our storage facility after work to grab paintings to replace those that I was going to take down and he called me while I was there. He seemed to have fun talking to me and seemed good with me bringing more pictures to replace the ones I was taking. Actually asked me about the shows. He let me know our friend would be coming close to the end of the day and thought I would be interested in seeing her.He also mentioned that there was a beer tasting event Saturday at the ski area. I told him I didn't know it was this weekend and would be sad to miss it (I enjoyed the event last year) as I was putting up art work. He said, "well, I'm letting you know that's where I'll be if you were to go up."

I got to the office and got to see everyone (no Bubbles there tonight) and was invited to Christmas Eve with one lady and out for bingo and drinks with the other two next week at a local lounge. Then the visiting friend came over and gave me a big hug and had just been told that we were divorced by someone (dont know who). She helped me take some pictures down and I gave her the details about my thoughts on the situation. She was just shocked. When we went back in, one of the office ladies took us back to H's personal office to go through quite a few pictures that he had taken down. Two years ago for Christmas I had taken nice photos of me and the girls and put them in a wall frame (one space for each of our portraits). I noticed he had taken it down. Instead was a picture of a whole group at H's river house sitting in front of the house on the beach, posed for the camera.It was framed to match a series of photos of H and D26 waterskiing together. I also noticed that D26's canvas prints of her photography were hanging in one room and a strange metal sculptural piece was hanging in the main room. H had about 10 of my pictures stacked against the wall in his personal office.

He came out to chat after he was done and offered me a beer as I said goodbye to the office ladies. Our mutual friend stayed to chat, too. He then told stories of his mother's "adventure" (showed pictures of the rescue and the area) and his trip down to talk to his brothers this past weekend about what to do with their parents. He brought up the beer tasting again and we were joking around with our friend. He kicked the bottom of my boot a few times, while saying "remember when..." and launching into a few memories. He actually looked into my eyes and smiled. I got the sense that it was important to him that I DID remember those as fond memories. We all walked out together and I reminded him that I had gotten a bunch of paintings from storage to replace the ones I took down, but he said he was set. I won't lie; I was disappointed and slightly irritated that I had even gotten them out just to have him say he didn't need them.

Anyway, as we were leaving, he got a call and found out that the fiancee of one of the office ladies had been taken to the hospital with chest pains (shoveled snow in sub zero temps). We've been texting back and forth since then. It sounds like he'll be ok.

I'm trying to not have expectations, but what I'm having is confusion. Is he trying to rid himself of my pictures and me? He did take some of my art from his personal office and replace the art I took, but didn't want any of the storage pictures. He seemed very happy to see me and seemed to want me to go up to the mountain on Saturday. But... I'm trying not to read into it. But there are so many emotions right now that I'm a bit overwhelmed. Not feeling very collected, for sure.