cheesyt 5 - now what?

[lt0402]

Cheesyt, I wholeheartedly see you moving forward. Your posts highlight how you are through the relationship you've built with your roommate, her bf, and her kids, and the new and old friends that so obviously care about you.

I think feeling stuck and incomplete is going to be a feeling we all share, so long as we choose to stay in our situations. Without our Ws choosing to come back and work on our Ms I think that incompleteness doesn't go away. Until that occurs, we can only get finality/completeness by choosing to close the door on our Ms.

We all say at the beginning of our situations that we are choosing to fight for our Ms. I'm starting to think that is only a half truth though. At the start of this I think we did choose to fight, but I think that choice was guided by some degree of fear. I know I was probably a prisoner of the fear of the unknown at the start of mine. I think you were similar when you first got here.

Now, though, I no longer see your choice being driven by that fear. I see you making that choice because it's what you want, not what you need. I see a strong person taking a very difficult stand in the face of extremely trying circumstances. Anyone would falter at times in the face of such adversity. It's completely normal to cycle through the sadness around your W. We all do. But just bc you are sad doesn't mean you're not moving forward. I do see you moving through fairly well right now!

One thing my IC told me that may help is to imagine their are two points of view of you situation. One is an "on the ground view" and the other is a "30 thousand foot view". Almost like google maps where you can go from looking at the United States to looking at the street view. Imagine your day to day is the street view. You are driving and driving but it doesn't feel like you're getting anywhere from the street view. However if you pop back out to the 30 thousand foot view you can see that while it felt like you weren't going anywhere, you did in fact progress on your journey, however little it may be. The key is to remember to pop back out to that 30 thousand foot view every now and then to remind yourself you are progressing. Hope that makes sense...

Regardless, we are always here for you. It's ok to feel down, just don't let it take control away from you. You have a lot of awesome stuff going on right now for you cheesyt! I know you're strong and are moving forward. Massive hugs coming your way from over here!!!