Coffee and spinning

[Coly23]

Altair - it is a double edged sword! I so love seeing my H but I want more and yes it is very difficult to keep my expectations low! By the way I used to hate Jammy Dodgers when I was young because if it didn't contain chocolate I wasn't interested and fruit based biscuits do not appeal to me I'm afraid!! Now in my old age I don't mind Jammy Dodgers so much. Hey it's a biscuit (or as you would say cookie) what's not to like!! I love the Stockdale Paradox Altair i am going to try to implement it by the new year! :0)

D_Rose, thank you so much for visiting my thread. Like you my emotions are still all over the place. I still seem to cry at the drop of a hat and I don't know about you but I dislike being in a crowd of people these days including my family, I just feel so left out and alone. I can't wait to get home. Christmas is definitely going to be a struggle but I'm trying to get it into my head that it is just another day and we make it what it is. I am looking forward to this year being over though!

Journaling - I've been getting organised for D's birthday and Christmas. It's been good for me actually as I've had to be super organised seeing as I'm on my own this year so I've not had a lot of time to wallow. Another good thing is that H has bought and paid for D's birthday and Christmas presents. He has also suggested that we continue to do joint presents for both our families which saves me a bit of money.

Myself and D went late night shopping tonight and bumped into H. I could tell He was waiting for his hug and kiss from me but to be honest I wasn't in the mood! He looked confused and kept asking me if I was alright! It was very strange though to think this time last year all three of us would have gone out together and now it's back to being just me and D. One thing I noticed is he looks at me the same way he used to before BD, I don't know if that means anything but he seems much friendlier and engages with me in much more conversation.

Since my last big post in which it was obvious I was pursuing H like a mad woman I have pulled back on initiating any contact. Somehow I can almost sense him waiting for me to contact him first but I held off and he eventually sent me a text yesterday about D's birthday presents. He is also coming over tomorrow night to have pizza with D as I am out at my Company's Christmas party. I have a very figure hugging dress to wear to the party which is a 180 for me as I hate showing off my figure! However now that I am a stone lighter since BD in May (I really didn't have a stone to lose though!) I have decided to flaunt it a little! I shall be home fairly early as I am not drinking and it gets pretty messy after 6.00pm since the shenanigans start at 12.30pm so I will hopefully have the opportunity to show H my new dress...

I'm going to have a very busy weekend to. I've got friends coming to stay Saturday and I'm doing lunch for them (roast beef) and another couple who live nearby and then on Sunday morning I'm doing bacon rolls and pastries for our friends and family in honour if D's birthday. Her birthday is actually on Tuesday but she is having a party with her friends in the evening and H is taking us out for lunch during the day. D's birthday is also Christmas present swap day for the family so Sunday will be exciting!

Just wanted to say thank you to you all for being so wonderfully supportive. I know I am a ruminater and spinner and I dwell on things too much. I am getting better I promise but I am just too stubborn to accept that this is my sitch and that is why I do stupid things like text H to tell him that the Christmas tree has fallen over! I'm just replacing my worne out elastic band for a stronger sparklier one to get me through the festive season... :0)