I find the mere physical proximity just too difficult. What can I say, I'm a guy. There is just an attraction I feel on an animal level. That can't be simply reason away during an in-house separation.
I know I'll keep seeing her after the divorce because we have to keep parenting our kids, but seeing her briefly here and there will be far easier than seeing her every morning and night.
Getting over that physical attachment will be like ripping a bandaid off ... off your tender heart ... but I know I have the will power to do it. But, like you say ... it's the kids that break my heart.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Gordie -- it's very hard to manage those feelings, and I've been anything but successful so far, at least for any sustained period.
Honestly, I think that, once we're separated, it will get easier strictly from my perspective. The great unknown is how the kids will fare, and that keeps me spinning a lot of the time.
Yes. I have 5 kids (elementary middle and high school aged) and am very concerned about them at this stage. W has been a great mom but am worried about what happens post D. W keeps telling me everything will be fine.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I find the mere physical proximity just too difficult. What can I say, I'm a guy. There is just an attraction I feel on an animal level. That can't be simply reason away during an in-house separation.
I know I'll keep seeing her after the divorce because we have to keep parenting our kids, but seeing her briefly here and there will be far easier than seeing her every morning and night.
Getting over that physical attachment will be like ripping a bandaid off ... off your tender heart ... but I know I have the will power to do it. But, like you say ... it's the kids that break my heart.
Are you still sexually attracted to one another? W and I are still having sex but some here advise against it.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie -- In my sitch, we ended up having sex a lot longer than I think the health of the overall R would have suggested would be the case. Now that it's completely done and not happening again absent a Paul On The Road To Damascus Moment for my W, I miss it very much and am glad it went on as long as it did. Just one man's opinion. I am sure there are all sorts of reasons to not do it, but I wasn't going to pass it up. That may have been a contributing factor in where I am in terms of detaching (read: not very far along), I don't know.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
If she would have sex with me, I'd keep doing it -- I don't care what the DB principles say! (They generally advocate continuing sex, though).
I have wondered if my sexual attraction/attachment to her is unhealthy. (I'm told that can happen when you fall in love with someone with a borderline personality disorder).
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Gump and anyone else still following this thread -- do you have any experience with/knowledge of the Enneagram personality stuff? I've been reading a lot on it lately, and it answers a lot of questions I've always had about my W and her personality (also about mine). I think my sitch is too far gone to salvage, but I wish I'd known about it a long time ago. In any event, it makes me see that, as you've said on different occasions, Gump, a lot of what we're going through now was baked into our spouses long, long ago, to the point where I read some of the stuff and say to myself "of course we could only have ended up here".
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
FWIW, I'm a 6 in that system (explains the vague, faceless perma-anxiety I've always battled), and my W is a 4.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
