Jeep74- thank you so much for your words and for taking the time to read through my story. I've been reading through some of the threads and have seen some amazing sharing of thoughts. I am very optimistic I will find some peace here.
It's great to hear it's not my fault, but I'm sure I contributed to the state of our marriage. Through therapy I was able to address how to react to negativity without totally losing my cool. All those examples I gave about my husband lying, I would react with loud yelling, profanities at times, and just all around losing my cool. Of course, these reactions had good reason, but I felt my reactions were bad. Of course, my husband used my reactions as one of many excuses as to why he doesn't want to have sex with me..
But see, that was the extent of what we focused on on me during therapy. Week after week the therapist would ask my husband if he was checked out because that's how he seemed, and the things he would say about me were just so off and surprising that I could see he was not doing any sort of reflecting during the process. I stopped going because it was clearly a waste of time.
I still feel like there must be more I can do, which is how I found this wonderful resource. I'm not fooling myself though. I realize this whole thing has not been good for me, but I don't want to walk away without feeling like I gave it my all. I am going to read the DR book. I feel like if this doesn't work, then that's it.
I struggle with feeling guilty. I sometimes feel like my husband can be manipulative (like with the yelling he did yesterday). He continues to tell me I have "problems" and "emotional baggage" meanwhile I didn't come into the relationship with any ties to exes, or with a lying problem. I have flaws like everyone else, but I've always worked hard on my marriage.
Another update- my husband's friends are having a get-together this weekend. My husband made sure to tell me about it, but not invite me. While I don't know for sure, I'm pretty sure the reason I'm not invited (besides our current problems) is that his ex will be there. Not long ago I told him I did not want that woman in our lives.
A question I have is is it unfair or wrong of me to demand he cut ties with this woman? The fact that he didn't do it already says a lot.. His excuse is that she is a part of a group of friends, but is that just another excuse? He completely betrayed my trust with her and I feel like putting myself in a position where my husband continues to maintain a friendship with her is just doing myself a disservice. How do I navigate this issue and stand up for myself moving forward? The way I feel is I do not want to continue on with a life with him if we cannot agree on this. Am I being unreasonable?
