Sorry you are here. It's a bucket of suck. It is indeed a rollercoaster. I'm only a little bit ahead of you. I'm almost 1 year in.
2 months into her MLC, my W spent a week arguing with me to agree to an open marriage. I told her to file for D. She dropped the subject and just started having an affair anyway.
I've read elsewhere that the percentage of MLCers who have affairs are somewhere near 80%. You may have stopped her recent A, but she can just as easily start another. It's not hard to find someone of low standing whose willing to get involved with a married person. Don't be surprised if she's up to that again. How you feel about this may change daily. Most likely, the OP will be a "user or loser".
What really helped me was reading the stories of MLCers who've been through it and survived it. Search for posts by AmyC / Amy40, Wonka, mirage, and M Go Blue. Also, always listen to what job has to say.
My W filed for D in October. She came into the kitchen one evening and just said "I have paperwork for you" and handed me the notice. Everything in her presence - her voice, her posture, her spirit - felt like one big shrug. Everything emanating out of her being said "I don't know what else to do but this". The MLCer is overwhelmed with emotions and they want massive changes in their life. They think a D is some fast ticket to happiness.
If your W files in January - don't think it's the end. I read a story on another board about a MLCer who moved out and filed for a D. The W didn't yet figure out it was a MLC. She knew they had a good M and that the real problem was something was seriously wrong deep inside her H. She agreed to getting a D because it's what he really wanted and he pursued it so angrily. She signed the D papers and had her L send them to him. A month or two passed. She never heard back from her L, so she went to visit her H. She asked him when did he sign the D papers, and he reacted with a nasty smirk and told her he threw it in the garbage. After all he went through, he didn't do it.
Follow some threads and find topics or posters you can relate to. This is just like any other message board on the net, so remember you will hear from a real crabby pants now & again.
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18
