Having lived this, I promise you that Job's most recent post to you is spot on.
And just to clarify, EVERYTHING = pressure to the MLCer. This includes asking her where she is going, asking where she has been, leaving voicemails, sending texts, asking when she'll be back, etc.
If you want to slow her down, as Job said your best chance is to do nothing and say nothing. Don't pass judgment (and she can read your body language). Completely stop reaching out to her. I am not saying he cold. I am saying be cordial when she talks to you but surface stuff.
In my opinion? Put all your energy into your kids as they must be asking questions/showing concern in all different ways based on their ages. Your littlest one may be clingy? Each one will have different needs based on age and personality.
The way I began to think was: I have to let the MLCer go. I have to focus on me and my kids. I have to teach my kids healthy coping skills so that this pattern does not repeat in their lives . . .
Keep posting. We are here to help.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
