Lost in the MLC Desert

[d_Rose]

Thanks to everyone for their insights. I appreciate you taking the time to read my sitch and offering up your wealth of experience.

Bttrfly - you crack me up. Love you are able to have a sense of humor even during this time of transition for you. Big hugs to you this next week or so.

Sotto - I did not reply to his text. I will leave it and consider carefully setting the boundary before school starts again in Jan. More par for the course - avoidance on my part. No wonder I like your suggestion. haha

Peacetoday - I will have to go back and read your sitch if its still available. You have been around a long time I'm sure I will need your input as this progresses, especially with the business side. I have had a couple L consults just to get educated and so that if something happens I would be prepared to retain a one I like quickly. I will just keep it in my back pocket.

You can do what you want, but I get the impression it's not about wanting to come there to see you. It's more about keeping you right where he left you and dangling that old carrot by showing just a wee bit of interest so that you won't rock his world by setting boundaries and making demands on him or moving on w/your life.

Job - I think you really hit to the heart of the issue for me. I am interpreting his actions as a step to engage with me (so why would I not allow that?), but really he is trying to control the situation and keep me available. I will have to give this some thought. He has been such a loving, caring man for all these years, it is not natural for me to assign such selfish intentions to his actions. Welcome to MLC land. I'm sure it is true, even if it is subconscious on his part, I just need to view his actions in a new "MLC" light.

And even if he is trying to engage, why am I content with these crumbs when his actions clearly show his current commitment is to OW and NOT our M? Do I not think I deserve more? Definitely something for me to reflect on.

I am good at passively pulling back and have done well with not going to him for help, emotional support, and reassurances. But I am not so good at open confrontation. Hope I can do this to start by just making the transition without having to have declaration of a boundary. I hear you Job, if I declare the boundary then I have to stick to it and be willing to live with the reduced contact, and that it may be the end of what limited emotional connection we currently have. I seems it will set the stage for a more adversarial relationship instead of understanding one I have tried to have.

I will keep you posted on my progress.

Thanks again everyone. I know it is a busy time of year, and here you all are helping your fellow LBS's. Your kindness helps so many.