Hi Ellie! Thank you, and yes, you are correct. Also, rotten, it is!

Yes, I keep mum about ins and outs of the r that d15 and her dad forge. Trying to be positive, while finding the balance of protecting her... there is a very fine line. Usually, our conversations about it are VERY brief. She will give me a quick update, not looking for a response, but more of an ear. That's what I try to provide, allowing her to figure it out.

The most I've said is that she needs to NOT use him, as she knew she could pretty much get whatever she wanted the few times they would spend together a year, which mainly consisted of a trip to the mall.
I advised her that if she wanted to build a real r with him, then that's what she should do, but she shouldn't use anybody for anything. And contrary to what people have said about getting what she can from him, I feel that the focus need to be deeper, not materialistic. As far as that goes, she can go without or work for it herself. That was the biggest message I wanted to get across to her.

So her response to the Fun-Filled Christmas Event? Well, we hadn't discussed it, so I didn't know what to expect. And I never bring it up, I let her come to me.

Last night, d15 had a bball game. JV was still playing, so she was just watching. She came over to me and told me her dad was mad at her bc she is babysitting that night and can't go. He told her he was disappointed and knew she would cancel (but she never confirmed??? He asked her and she said she would let him know... ) Then she said, "Now he's leaving... look!"

I didn't even notice he was there. (Wow, times have changed from my PTSD days!) And I saw him walk out the door. He literally drove all the way from a different town, didn't see her play, and left bc she wasn't going. (Which he was texting her across the gym)

Unreal. There are so many levels I get upset about my d and how he constantly messes with her before her games and things. Things that should be about her, he always makes about him and his situation. I just want him to let her be. And the momma-bear in me wants to tell him to stop doing that to her... and to build a r with her without the drama.

However, I know it will fall on deaf, toddler ears. It will only be an opportunity for him to point a finger at me (which I don't care), and I just want him to support her... without strings attached. Ugh.