Hello...can you hear me?

[Georgiabelle]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks so much for stopping by. Every one of you. Hugs to you all! I had to regroup and after posting went silent for a few weeks. Thanks for your support, kind words, and humor. Always appreciated and digested. Even though I can be stubborn. And thanks for not bopping me on the head, MB. I need all of the brain cells I can keep at this juncture:)

It's not that I don't feel worthy of the new guy. It's that I think I struggle with the fact that things are different? I'm sure this won't be articulated appropriately, however, I struggle mightily with the fact that things aren't what I thought they would be. Even though they are in many ways better? I don't know if that makes sense. NG is fabulous. He cooked with my kids while I went out with my best friend on my birthday. FTR, I duct taped myself together so that I wouldn't fall apart as I inch towards being a centenarian:)

He is wonderful and very open with his concerns and flaws. He says he has never felt this way before and I have not either. Although, I'm not sure if we ever feel the same in any relationship or about a person? Maybe this is the issue..when I am away from him I wonder. However, I am not specifically wondering about. The wondering is not about him-I trust him and he has given me no reason not to do so. I wonder about me. But I am not sure what that is? Perhaps it just takes time. And I am committed to giving it time even.

The universe has been chattering away at me. I was catching up on other threads about "types." I have a tendency to attract artistic, creative, more sensitive types. However, on a very primal level, what I find very physically attractive (which always subsides) are the guys who are a bit rough around the edges. Blue collar guys. OMG. I find that so hot. Those men are never interested in me. I think (who knows as I am just throwing up here) I thought I might date someone like that? Which is crazy because those people aren't attracted to me. I did go out with 2 of those guys after I got divorced and while I was off the charts attracted to them, there was nothing else there. And I'm not even sure the physical thing was reciprocated. However, I ran into both of them this past weekend and I thought "why didn't they think I was attractive?' I dunno. I am rambling.

I am very attracted to new guy. Certain things have never been this good. I'm sure some is him and some is me...and that I have relaxed a bit and feel very secure in many of my insecurities at this point. I know divorce changes us. Some of those changes I like. Some I'm not so sure. However, they are there.

Anyway, on another universal chatter note, ex Mr. GB has suddenly become very talkative. I suspected something was p this summer with some texts he sent me. Reminiscing. I knew something was really up when he reached out on my birthday which he hasn't acknowledged in 3 years. He said to me yesterday, "GB, it is very difficult dating women under 30. You know they all want to get married and have kids." I said, "I'm sure it is." Allegedly, he is moving (again) in January without his live in GF. She just got her first job in June. He said he is tired of moving. I'm not sure if he told her he is moving or if he is going to spring it on her kind of like he did me. I didn't ask. As Job says, the answers reveal themselves. I can't ask. It would take too much energy.

Thanks for bearing with me and that rambling post of nothing. My brain is in overdrive. Tomorrow is the 3 year anniversary of BD and I would be lying if I said it hasn't kicked some feelings up.

Sending positive energy and hugs to you all.