Postpartum, Antidepressants, and wife lost feeling

[Gordie]

Here it is, close to christmas. My W and I have had a rough 6 months. First I confronted her about secret companionship (Possible EA or PA). Then we have been fighting since this was a huge deal to me. We have sought marital counsel. We have agreed to get along for our kids (1 and 8). We currently live in the same household. Right now, sleeping in the same bed, as opposed to earlier sleeping in different rooms. I beleive it was affecting my children. Now she dropped the bomb that she wants to move out in January. I am guessing she wants to get her finances together and stay around for the family through the holidays. She says she loves me and has some kind of feelings for me but needs to get away. I have told her once she leaves that I will completely give up on our marriage. I have fought for it for 6 months now. My sons pediatrician told me to never say never, he is a christian man as I am. He talked to me last week when I took my son in for an appt because he has been aware of our issues, including her postpartum depression bouts. I have been reading DB book and feel like i have already done most of the talking points thus far with negative results. I just want to be a nice guy, and know I did the right thing until the end. The end will be her leaving our house and/or filing separation papers. I know she is having a tough time because I can't imagine telling her I wanted to move out. But its hard for me as well because it will affect my life forever too. How should I act? She did call our marriage counsellor for another session but had to cancel due to another dr appt. She is trying to reschdule as far as I know.

Hi MLH! It's tough, I know. Been there...for much longer than I want to admit or remember.

First, this "secret companionship." What is this? If she is keeping it secret, then it is either an EA or PA, or an EA that turned into a PA. No real in betweens on secrecy.

Like you, I did the things on here and a lot they said not to do. My ex is a different bird. Nothing worked with her. It took over a year before I filed...and I didn't want to and part of me wishes I hadn't, just because.

The fact that you are having a tough time doesn't mean she is. Mine wanted out, too. Didn't faze her a bit that I was hurting. However, at the time mine was in a PA and I mattered nothing to her. Not a d**n thing.

Mine also suggest a counselor, but instead of working on us and our marriage, it was to cover her bases and say she tried. How do I know this? Because at the time (unbeknownst to me) she was well in the middle of the affair and she told the MC (later my IC) that she definitely was not having an affair. Straight up lied. So, I wouldn't look too much into that...now if she were to go and turn around on you, that's different. But if she goes and it doesn't help, or she balks, or starts cancelling for various reasons (drs appointments are familiar to me), then those are flags.

I'm sorry you are in this, my friend. The best you can do is be the best Dad you can and get yourself straight. You do that, and you'll be fine. Your son needs you to be his rock.

I second what Jeep said. Sorry you are in this boat but you are not alone. My W says she is filing in January so she can pursue her POM. Get the support you need for yourself. Do you have people in your life in which you can confide? This is way too painful to do alone.