Hello. Monday night I had to put our beloved dog down. He has been ill, and the medications just weren't enough to control his condition any longer. He had another episode (don't want to give too many details), and I knew it was just time to end his suffering. H is out of town this week so I had to wake the baby and take my sick dog to the ER vet in the middle of the night.
I am utterly heartbroken over the loss of our dog. The house is eerily quiet, despite having a rambunctious toddler tearing the place apart. There is a disturbing stillness that makes me uneasy. I miss him so much.
H is at a conference two hours away. I called him when I was on my way to the vet. I texted him after our dog passed. He drove home to see me. He didn't tell me he was coming. I was quite surprised. I'm not reading anything into it as I just assume it was done out of guilt since he has been detached from the dog for awhile. H treated our dog like he was a nuisance. He drove home out of guilt; his way of doing penance for his mistreatment. I'm sure of it.
For those of you who Believe, I have a question: I feel like God might be speaking to me through our dog's passing. But I am not sure. At one point I had asked H to move out. He refused and told me I should leave (so thoughtful of him, yes, I will take our child out of the only home he has only known so YOU won't be inconvenienced or financially burdened, I digress.) Our dog was one of the ties that bound me to the house. I felt I couldn't leave b/c H wouldn't take care of him very well.
So now it has me wondering if our dog's passing isn't God's way of saying it's time for me to leave.
But I am also wondering if I am not hearing the message clearly because I am afraid or because that isn't what God is saying.
I am afraid. No doubt. But I am just not sure if there is a message.
