To be honest Job I'd rather H to carry on being a good dad. No matter what I think about him as a human being, what a sh*##y H he was, and how much I'd like my kids to hate him for what he has done to me and them, he is still their father. I'd like to believe that he has looked at how badly he behaved with his eldest daughter and he is trying to do a better job this time round with our children but as you say time will only tell.
As I have been out a lot lately when it was my free child weekend or with the kids, this weekend I have decided to spent it at home. A bit of a quiet weekend before my journey to spent Christmas with my family. I'm getting used to my own company (whereas before between each relationship I hated it), and I like this me time. I don't feel guilty about not having the house as a showroom house. I don't feel bad to cook what I want without thinking that I'm going to upset his Lordship!
People are telling me that I need to go back on the dating scene because it has been a long time. I'd love to have a companion to do things with, although I have just started to discover who the real Rocky is (still some left over issues to deal from previous life, haha!) and I'm being more honest, more compassionate and more assertive but I know that I'm not ready for a relationship and to be honest I no longer desire to save my M. It is sad to come to this conclusion as even if my life has been hard since BD, it has been the best months of my life as I have done things that I would have never done if I still were with H.
