Another WW

[ngs]

She still thinks our marriage is done and acts like the affair is so normal and asks like it is not a big deal. She continues to say that she tried and I will never change. I continue to tell her she never tried, she just talked and did no action. I continue to tell her if that's what she wants, that's fine, but it's all on her.

I would go back to "sandi's 37 rules", read rule #1, you will not be able to reason with her, don't try. You can not convince her of anything and it will make things worse. You can only validate her feelings even though you don't agree with them. Saying "it's all on her" is laying guilt on her and won't help either. At this point you can only acknowledge and validate, she is in an affair and she will only see her "truths".

There is a link to validation statements in Cadet's email to you. I printed "sandi's 37 rules" and read them everyday. I wouldn't "continue to tell her" anything.

And unfortunately telling her when she can have the kids and when she can't will make things worse as well, you do need to come to an agreement on that. Standing up for yourself by letting her know she is not invited to your Christmas and you will not be going to hers is setting a good boundary.

Following the rules is tough, but it will help you save some of your sanity and the ups and downs of emotions. Unfortunately you are probably in for a long haul and you need to work on yourself and take care of the kids. No relationship talk unless she initiates it. Set healthy boundaries for you, but she will need to find her way out of this fog herself.

With our kids for Thanksgiving we told them that I would be taking them to my parents on Thanksgiving and my W would take them to her parents the day after Thanksgiving and there were no issues. Our kids are 11,13,15 and know we have problems (don't sleep in same bed) but don't know that she has filed for divorce. Hope that helps.