Just caught up on the most recent posts. Love how the conversation starte with MLC hairstyles and then swings to deep theological conversations about commitment.
First, thanks to Bttrfly, Roist, Huddy, Esame, SBJ, KML and Mleigh for the posts.
Regarding hairstyle, maybe I should give h a scrunchy in his stocking and tell him: just in case you decide to go from mullet to man bun.
As for your questions Bttrfly, I understand what you mean. I read what KML wrote about the woman who nursed her ex and thought "whoa!! Not sure I have that in me." Thinking about it all, I guess what I learned is I have no idea what I am capable of until the moment comes. I don't mean to sound glib. But, looking back on certain things that have happened in my life these last 6 years, I have faced things I never thought would touch my life. And those things have re-shaped me. So I know more will happen to me and I will continue to reconfigure who I am.
Mleigh and Bttrfly, that is exactly how h looks when I confront him. The weirdest part? When texting first started to take place h vowed he's never fully take that form on as he felt we would all lose our way. And indeed, sometimes, I look at all the ways we can communicate with emojicons and I think: oh, we're going to be back to communicating via pictographs!
I find myself in this strange place right now. H's last PA text just really rubbed me raw. The best way to describe it is I feel like I'm winterizing a house. "Ok, this portion of the house is useless, shut down the plumbing and turn down the electricity so that the house has just enough heat so the pipes don't freeze. It just feels like I dropped to another level of bare bones.
It's the 1,2 punch of the most recent letter and the PA text. I felt myself thinking that there comes a point of no return. And though I have been polite I do feel myself letting go even further. It's kind of not so much letting go as it is "I totally don't deserve this."
Yesterday, I was in my room w s11 who he was at my desk. I was listening to something on my phone w/headphones in. H came up and talked to s11 from the hallway. Then he came in. Big progress for him I am sure. I probably should have taken off my headphones and been more gracious. But I didn't. I just didn't care. He stayed at least a minute. Huge for him.
Is it because he can sense my vibe? Is it because I've been going in his room more to address his PA texts?
Last edited by job; 12/13/1602:03 PM. Reason: edited posting per poster's request
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
