I just want to add one more thing, because I like different view points and stimulating conversation....
The whole attract who we are and what we want.....
I don't believe in that so much. Then I'm a pretty broken individual if the guys who are attracted to me are a reflection of who I am.
And I don't think I am. I am a woman who put her pieces back together to make this pretty awesome person and I am also a woman who knows what she wants.
I attract broken men, weak men who are filled with fear and have no clue what they want or are too fearful to commit to it. Or I attract pervs and preists.
I don't think I am an ounce of what I have attracted my whole life.
To speak to happiness, My thoughts have changed often on that subject, heavily discussed with my therapist. DB teaches happiness comes from within. Which I believe is true to a point. I believe we are responsible for seeking our own happiness. No other person can provide what makes us happy. However, when there is something that is a part of who you are that makes you happy and you are missing it, then it's something you need. A part of my soul and my inner core is human connection. Connecting with a partner on a deep and loving level. It's a part of my soul and who I am. So when that's missing, it makes me sad, but doesn't necessarily take away my happiness. If that makes sense. This is what my therapist deducted and I think she was spot on.
I love what you wrote here! Relationship is the human condition. This is one of the reasons I am a Christian...if you believe the Bible, God created us because He wanted relationship. Wow, that means the creator of all things needs and wants a relationship with each one of us. That's powerful!If He needs it then why wouldn't I? There are many ways of obtaining relationship and a one to one with a partner in life is one most of us are drawn to. Your desires are human and worthy...and I think patience is key. Yes, we are responsible for our own happiness but there are many winding roads to follow in getting there. Now, re: the white picket fence idea. I remembered a story a chaplain at work once told me. In the church she previously pastored there was a couple that seemed to be the ultimate "white picket fence" couple. She said after church one day she saw them walking home hand in hand and thought is was so beautiful. Later that day she received a call and the husband had stabbed the wife to death. Things aren't always as they seem. Hang in there, enjoy the relationships that you have and smile because down the road, if you want it and put the work in, that which you seek will be yours
Btw, just read your last post, and I'm glad you don't put much faith in the Law of Attraction stuff...it has always struck me as a blame the victim mentality. Good things happen because you control the universe and therefore bad things happen because YOU haven't sent out the right vibes. Isn't that the same as Job's friends telling him that he must have sinned and that's why bad things have happened to him! LOA is just "you didn't pray hard enough" in different packaging. I believe that God gives me what I ask of him...and that's not a partner or a white picket fence but it's the inner strength to do what I need to do. I got through my divorce by drawing on that love and by connecting with a church family...but that's me. Btw, just a suggestion, if you feel you're attracting the wrong kind of guys online then look at your profile and change it around a bit and see what you get! ...and also I mean no disrespect to anyone who is following the LOA, that's just my humble opinion and I'm not looking to debate it with anyone.
...and also I mean no disrespect to anyone who is following the LOA, that's just my humble opinion and I'm not looking to debate it with anyone.
whatisis,
I'm a Pastafarian; I'm not sure if we believe in LOA or not. In fact, I don't know what we believe in other than making silly quips and eating a high carbohydrate diet. I must've taken a wrong turn somewhere in life...
LOA- I believe negativity attracts negativity and positivity attracts positivity. Attitude wise that is. But if something bad happens to me, I don't think it's something I attracted or deserve. What got me in a hole was the LOA. I kept trying to fix something that wasn't broken because of what I was attracting. But there is nothing broken anymore! There was a time I was more susceptible to crappy behaviors of others, but now I turn it away much better.
Relationships are the human condition. Intimate loving relationships are. Which I don't have right now. But I have other beautiful relationships in my life which I appreciate and nurture.
Even though I do not identify with a religion, I probably have Christian ways about me with a little Buddhism mixed in.
Doodler, There are very minimal carbs in my life right now which might be where some of my depression stems from. And the carbs that are there are brown rice and quinoa.
Maybe all I need to do is attract a big plate of greasy cheese fries......
There are very minimal carbs in my life right now which might be where some of my depression stems from. And the carbs that are there are brown rice and quinoa.
Maybe all I need to do is attract a big plate of greasy cheese fries......
Oh yeahhhhhhh
Ginger,
I second that! I feel better and my engine runs better on a high carb diet.
Btw, just read your last post, and I'm glad you don't put much faith in the Law of Attraction stuff...it has always struck me as a blame the victim mentality. Good things happen because you control the universe and therefore bad things happen because YOU haven't sent out the right vibes. Isn't that the same as Job's friends telling him that he must have sinned and that's why bad things have happened to him! LOA is just "you didn't pray hard enough" in different packaging. I believe that God gives me what I ask of him...and that's not a partner or a white picket fence but it's the inner strength to do what I need to do. I got through my divorce by drawing on that love and by connecting with a church family...but that's me. Btw, just a suggestion, if you feel you're attracting the wrong kind of guys online then look at your profile and change it around a bit and see what you get! ...and also I mean no disrespect to anyone who is following the LOA, that's just my humble opinion and I'm not looking to debate it with anyone.
Whatsis,
Your thoughts on the loa in my opinion is more of a victim mentality...it would say that one stands around working on the self and then blaming all around them that which happens to them. Much like a magnet in a junk yard trying to attract the one piece of metal that is good amongst the trash... I understand the point that folks see it as an individual gets what they are and therefore attract... I do not put stock in much as a simple law or beleif whether loa, religious beliefs, etc., on there own...often they seem too simplistic or based on fear and rewards. But there is value in consistent principles...
My Jew of the LOA is that you must first be that which you would want to be attracted to...why should one think they can be with a hard working, athletic,successful person if they would rather be a lazy couch potatoe just taking handouts? On the other hand, I think there are those that simply want a relationship with someone, but they do not know what they want in the other person so they try to accept anything until they cannot...or one has such high standards that they themself do not meet them. Attraction is not a magnet pulling things to you because of how you think. Attraction IMHO is being and working towards what you see as a progressive self and connecting with someone else that is also of the same belief...and accepting the details of differences that each know they can progress with in the other.
My point to Ginger, is that she will know in her heart what it is that she desires to be attracted too...when this can be more clear in ones thoughts and desires, they will be attracted to those things. Or identify quickly that it is not what they are attracted to and then walk away...no pain.
One cannot simply stand still and say that they are fixed, happy, and simply want....want a relationship, or a dream job, or happiness...they must believe in their heart they can obtain these things and then go after it.
Let's say you want a particular dream job. You go to school for it. You read books about it. You say you are ready. You put out a few resumes and do not get the job. Are you upset now? Are you unhappy now? Do you blame a teacher, previous boss, or the universe for this? If you maintain this pattern of thought can you attract or be attracted to the dream job? Or do you get back to work learning some more, putting out more resumes, networking, and portraying a positive, happy,hard working vibe? Let's say you finally get the job. 2 years into it you feel you have been doing a great job and have been progressing well. You have had a disagreement or two with a coworker and a boss. The business has made some changes and heads in a slightly different direction. The boss approaches you and says that you will be let go because of differences in thoughts on the direction of things... Do you get pissed and blame everything that led up to this? Blame the boss Blame the coworker Blame the business changing directions Do you give up on all the work and efforts you have put in this far? Do you take on the role of the victim as you mention, or do you keep your thoughts and actions and attitudes positive so as to attract or be attracted to another opportunity? Maybe you choose to change course and go another direction...
Now apply this to a meaningful relationship... I don't think I will need to spell it out, I imagine you can get the point.
I see life more as a law of averages in obtaining anything. So my thought on laws of averages... If you truely know what you desire and want... Then go get it. Believe that you can... If you go after it frequently enough you create choices... Relationships are no different than anything else in life... Meet 3 people and almost connect with one... You can then stop and lament not being able to find a relationship Or meet 3 per week for as long as needed and identify many that you could be attracted to and create a meaningful relationship...and make many other friends along the way. But one needs to know what they are attracted to first, and then able to identify these qualities early in with the other person and then decide what you will do next.
Be what you are attracted to See what you are attracted to Seek after what you are attracted to
These are key elements in finding that which we are and are attracted to.
Do not be a victim Do not lament the bad things that can happen to you or have happened to you Be what you would want to be attracted to and then do the work so that the laws of averages work in your favor. Happiness is a journey, not a destination Happiness is a choice, an action...the examples in cancer wards, children's hospitals, even previously divorced people that are living their lives down the road are examples of being happy, from within, as opposed to circumstance.
My 2c, in respect to Gingers request for conversation of different view points.
PS Ginger, I as well follow Christianity, Buddhaism, Muslim, agnostic, etc... And science... I seek the common principles amongst all of the teachings and thoughts. For me when they all merge, I see light and wisdom... I also continue to challenge my own beliefs and opinions, and in doing so much clarity comes with it. For me and relationships... If something happens to me once or even twice, I see it as a random coincidence... If it "happens" to me many times, I have to see that I am the common factor... I am not broke, but I may need some fine tuning as to what is perceived of me by others...this is a principle as it relates to my thoughts on working on myself and being attracted to others If what I have believed or stand firm with does lead me to peace, calm and progress...then I must challenge it. Hopefully I have shared some ideas that can help you question things that may hold you back from what you are working towards... A common principle in all that I seek is, do not give up, and change what you do slightly if it is not getting you the results you seek. Thomas Edison is a good mentor for this.
Clear as mud, eh? My thoughts
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
