The last few months of my life has been enjoying what I have become. I had actually told my therapist I am going to just stop and appreciate all the work I have done. I am happy with myself. perhaps not happy with what's externally going on around me (job, singledom, ect.), but I am happy with myself.
To speak to happiness, My thoughts have changed often on that subject, heavily discussed with my therapist. DB teaches happiness comes from within. Which I believe is true to a point. I believe we are responsible for seeking our own happiness. No other person can provide what makes us happy. However, when there is something that is a part of who you are that makes you happy and you are missing it, then it's something you need. A part of my soul and my inner core is human connection. Connecting with a partner on a deep and loving level. It's a part of my soul and who I am. So when that's missing, it makes me sad, but doesn't necessarily take away my happiness. If that makes sense. This is what my therapist deducted and I think she was spot on.
I know the white picket fence thing is not so real. I am watching people that are close to me have their white picket fence crumble. it makes me so sad. But take my ex and his W. I don't really know what goes on there. I know my ex still nasty. I know he is obsessed with playing this phone game and doesn't pay much attention to the people around him. I do however, think whatever him and OWW's relationship is, it works for them. The nastiness never worked for me. She, I think is fine with it.
I love the idea to service for others for the holiday season. I take a part in doing whatever I can to help out those less fortunate any opportunity that comes up. And if we didn't split the holiday, I would probably spend my day in a homeless shelter or at a children's hospital spreading some cheer. I used to like to work the Christmas eve shift into Christmas morning at the hospital. These poor people were critically ill and caring for them was paying it forward in such a time.
I love that you are making this holiday about giving to those who have less. That is often lost this time of the year.
