I'm not going to weigh in right now on your wife and her lack of concern for her child. My focus is on your daughter. My thoughts and prayers are w/you and your girls and I'm hoping and praying that you get in to see the surgeon as soon as possible and that there is something they can do to shrink the cyst so that she won't have to have surgery. Hopefully the surgeon can explain more about this cyst and will it return once it has shrunk or removed.
Definitely keep to your holiday plans for now. All of you need to have a good time and enjoy yourselves this weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I will pray for your Daughter-hopefully there is a simpler solution to treat it other than surgery practice her visualizing it disappearing and shrinking if she is willing the mind is a powerful tool
You are an amazing dad
as for your W..we will never understand..I dont think we can Only someone who has been through MLC would get why / how they could disconnect and be so insensitive
I remember My son at age 5 having an asthma attack and back then it was frequent and quite scary- when I called My xh for help, he said no..no compassion or empathy just a breathing man dead on the inside- I knew I would be raising our kids alone-problems and all
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi Irish Your daughter is s lucky to have a great father like you....it is so unfortunate that her mom is so insensitive ... I really can't explain how they think but one time when I had to take my daughter to emergency due to her face swelling allergy related ... he made me feel I am creating emergencies to draw him back to us... what you have done of letting her know is the right thing todo so that she doesnot play the innocent victim later or not knowing... now how she act is her problem. Take care of your daughter ....will keep her in my prayers....
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hi Irish, I'm sorry to hear about the cyst diagnosis and I hope that gets sorted as soon as possible and hopefully without the need for surgery. As you say, it could have been a worse diagnosis and it must be a relief to at least know what is going on for her.
WRT your XW. I don't really think she can handle being a concerned Mum just now. Self-centredness and self-pity are themes within MLC. Showing appropriate concern for her D's involves being in 'adult' state and it doesn't sound as though she is in that place. She sounds to be in 'child' state and blaming others for the poor R with her D's that has come to be. That's a distorted perspective I know and those of us reading can see that it's her responsibility. But she isn't in a place where she can handle that just now.
I'm not excusing her behaviour, only saying it as I see it. I don't believe any Mum here would want to be in a situation of no contact with her D's. But how to dig herself out of that? Hmm - that probably feels like a hard road...
Take care Irish and I hope your D is all better soon xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Ok, first and most important things first: it's a cyst, not a tumor. My dad had a brain tumor that was found when it was at critical mass and almost killing him. It was a meningioma, and it was discovered on his 86th birthday and removed a week later. I know how scary something like this is. The decisions were up to me alone as Mom just couldn't handle it. It's overwhelming. You have to breathe and you have to have faith that you weren't given this amount of responsibility without also being given the wisdom to know how to handle it. Your daughter is lucky to have you for a dad. Follow her lead.
There is good news even when scary diagnosis hit: Dad renewed his driver's license on his birthday the next year. He celebrated his 91st bday in October. Ian, Dad's surgeon, saved Dad's life. Ironically, he also performed a similar surgery a year and a half ago on my lawyer's wife (we've been friends for 30 years, my lawyer, his wife and my family). If you feel like you want a second opinion, I can give you his name. He is a brilliant neurosurgeon at the Brigham here in Boston, but you are far away from needing that today and it sounds like your daughter's situation is serious but not as dire as Dad's was, thank God.
You can do this. You are not alone.
------
Now for part two, WAW:
Honey I don't know how you could possibly feel anything other than angry at her response. It infuriates me to read her response. BUT: people often act one way when they are feeling something completely different.
I'm going to suggest something that I think will be incredibly hard, but necessary: let it go. drop it completely. say a prayer for her, because she needs it, badly.
You are by yourself with decisions about your daughters. It hurts me to write that because I don't want to be that blunt, but it's called for. She is not capable. It remains to be seen if it's an illness or a moral issue. The cause matters not as the result is the same.
Again, you can do this and in that you are not alone. We are here for you. Keeping all of you in my prayers, even WAW.
sending extra {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
xoxoxoxoxo
PS let me know if you need the info on the doc
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
D14 is in good and positive spirits. I noticed that her symptoms are worse when she is active. So no gym or horseback riding for a while. We are waiting for the neurosurgeon to get back to us.
As for XW. She did something that I thought she do last month during her texting to me of all that we should of done to save the marriage.
She called my mom.
My mom called me upset but worried for XW. This is the first tie they spoke since June 2015.
My mom said that XW was not herself. Her tone, the way she expressed herself. She spoke to my mom as of she was an infant. She wanted my mom to force the girls to contact her. My mom said that XW hurt the girls and it's not as easy as that. They are teens.
She said " I did nothing wrong, I left your son because I did not love him anymore. The girls couldn't be trusted"
Then XW started sobbing. Said she missed my mom and hung up.
During the day XW texted me. She said that D14 was sick because of me.
I replied" I will update you on our D14 health once I get news. I will keep that promise. Don't blame me for D14". i also told her I'm glad she reach out to my mom. My mom misses her too. I left it at that.
Hoping for a call tomorrow Hugs to you all
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
I don't have much to say, but just wanted to pop in and let you know you and ds are in my thoughts and prayers. Glad to hear your d is in good spirits, I can't imagine being that age and dealing with this.
Funny how the mlcer will blame us for illnesses, been there.
