I'm not a practicing Catholic now, but I was raised Catholic and got married in the church. I truly believed in the vows.

However - my ex was unfaithful and I did everything possible to save my marriage. We did reconcile for a few years until he hit 50 and was off again in a cloud of MLC.

My feeling about it is, I DID keep my vows, and I did everything possible to keep the marriage together. Once he officially divorced me, I felt my obligation no longer extended to remaining sexually faithful. (This was, however, after almost ten years of dealing with his MLC issues and the marriage, so I felt confident that I wasn't giving up too soon. I might have felt differently if ours had been one of those speedy divorces that happen.)

Now he's remarried and I've moved on as well. However, I DO still feel some sense of obligation towards him. I don't interact with him any more than the bare minimum required for dealing with our grown kids. However, I do care what happens to him, I do send him occasional (rare) medical advice when I think it's something important he won't get from his regular doctors, and I suppose, if he fell into some terrible state of need, I would still feel it was my duty to provide care.

I remember a woman I knew casually when my kids were in school. I don't know any of the details, but she was nursing her ex-husband through a terminal illness. I remember thinking at the time how hard that must be. However, I think that if it came to that, I could do that for my ex EVEN THOUGH he has been a jerk to me, because that would be a fulfillment of those vows that I took so seriously.

Would my ex do the same for me? Not in a million years. Would I ever take my ex back? Absolutely not! But do I feel that unconditional - not love, but perhaps care - for my ex? Yes.

I think THAT is sufficient fulfillment of my vows. I don't think God means for us LBSs to live a celibate life while our ex's go off to a new life. I feel the vows may extend, though, to making our genuine effort to save the marriage, and to extending that care if needed in an emergency later in their lives.