You may not be ready to enforce some boundaries at the moment, but once the divorce is filed, I urge you to set some important boundaries w/him.
1. If he's going to be staying at your home and being a "Disney Dad" during his stay, he will need to be responsible and accountable for the children and their whereabouts while there. There should not be any more of this taking the two oldest to classes, etc., and asking you to take care of the youngest one. They are his children and he will need to take care of all of them or he can arrange for a sitter.
2. It might be advisable for him to find a place to stay when he comes to visit and not be in your "safe" space. It's not your place to provide him w/a room and board during his visits after the divorce.
3. He will definitely need to advise you of when he's coming to visit the children and he will need to notify you 24-48 hours in advance if the plans change. After all, you have a life too and there are things that you need to do for yourself. Trust me, he's certainly taking care of himself. You have the children 24/7 when he's not around and you need some time to enjoy life and do things for yourself.
I'm truly sorry that you are having to think about the word "divorce" during the holiday season. I think it's wise to hold off telling your mother until after the holiday. Will your MIL be staying w/you the entire holiday? Do you plan to tell her before or after the big "Santa" day?
You will have plenty of time to think about boundaries and how you want to deal w/visitations schedules once the divorce paperwork begins. Life as he knew it will not be the same after the ink is dry on the divorce decree. You do have some say in what is put in that decree. Boundaries can be enforced and yet, you can still be civil for the good of the children. Nothing says you have to roll over and do whatever he wants...after all, he fired you a while ago. At some point, he'll begin to face the consequences of his actions, especially when the life he thought he had w/his visitations and relying on you to be the babysitter, housekeeper, etc. no longer jump to his tune of how high.
Esame, it's time to start thinking about what you want in the near future. Sure, you want to keep things civil for the children...but that doesn't mean you have to be at his beck and call when he comes to visit. Time for Disney Dad to grow up and be a father.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
