Under a Big Umbrella

[SBJ]

Or

As Catholics, marriage is a sacrament where the spouses learn about God by being truly intimate with one other person, vs Holy Orders, where those called learn about God by being of service to many. I've been thinking a lot lately about the sacramental aspect of marriage in general and my marriage in particular. I've asked myself was I truly intimate with this person? Was he truly intimate with me? Sifting through it all, the good, the bad, the ugly, I ask myself, "What is left? What is the core for me?" Despite it all, I love him still. It's painful to say as I don't see us having anything to do with each other beyond S. I don't think we will be friends, as some ex spouses are. Where does that leave it? I don't have any answers, but I know that I'm looking at the totality of who my husband is today, and I still love him.

I am also a practicing Catholic and I wonder how my wife, who believes in every other sacrament of the Church holds no belief in the Marriage Sacrament. I questioned her once about it and she got mad and said that I called her a hypocrit. If the shoe fits.

Now answering your questions based on my situation I can say I tried to be fully intimate with her, but she was always reserved. Hence she wasn't truly open and intimate with me. Something always held her back. I was totally invested in my M, but I guess since she is out of the house and filed I can say that she wasn't. I wouldn't trade my kids or my M, but in a way I feel short changed by her a bit. Just a weird feeling.