I love these forums, but I have not been good about writing in them lately.
Just been really, really exhausted. End of year crunch time at work, and of course I left some things for last minute so I'm trying to get caught up with that. Had some minor, but annoying illnesses and injuries (fractured ankle, diffuculty eating cause of cramping) that slowed me down and kept me from my major stress relief outlet...exercises and running. I'm struggling with my son who has lots of issues with sensory integration and most likely adhd. Parent teacher conference was not fun...in process of getting help and have been incorporating some very helpful behavior strategies from a great child social worker I am seeing. I have to get things out to the divorce lawyer and I just don't have the energy to sit and do it.
Still trying to cope with my anger at husband. It's not easy, when I feel like my life is not going smoothly. I am angry because
1. I am living in a chaotic home with my parents. My parents mean well, but are driving me crazy, I am 38 and really want calm and independence, and financially I don't see a way out. I have a decent job, but the region is just too expensive.
2. Ex did not come to parent teacher conference. I offered to split thanksgiving day so he could see son but he did not want to because his mother would not be around. He has son on weekend of New Years eve and is asking me to take him that weekend (I will have son home all week from break). And this makes me so mad. It makes me mad for our son. he sees him less then 4 days a month voluntarily, and his mom is the one doing most of he work. I am mad at his mom for enabling him, and I am mad at him. My son is not easy and I struggle and I feel like I'm doing it by myself.
I know the answer is to be greatful and appreciative for what I do have. It could be worse. At least With sole responsibility comes sole power to make decisions the way I want regarding son.
And the truth is, during our marriage my ex was never really a partner anyway. These 4 days a month are more of a break then I ever had. And his child support check is more then I ever had too. I was paying for most of sons expenses and all my expenses by myself. We never had a home, despite husband having a good job and there was never economic transparency.....and this is what I am really mad at. That our marriage was so bad and I was so frusturated and he was never a partner. He was Just someone who slept all day and worked. And now I look back and feel like all those years (except for my son) were just a big waste of my life.
