Wife has filed for divorce

[ngs]

A quick recap of my sitch...I was a WH over 15 years ago, a drunken one night stand which resulted in a child out of wedlock. We went through marriage counseling but we never repaired our relationship and just stayed together.

Fast Forward 5 years, unhappy marriage I engaged in an EA which turned to PA for 3 months until I got caught, ended it, promised it would never happen again. And it never did.

Never went to counseling again as a couple, there was never forgiveness or trust rebuilt, just moved ahead with life and ignored it. At times tried working on ourselves, working on our marriage but it just never meshed and just moved forward with the way things were so here we are 15 years later and my wife has filed for divorce, does not want to work on marriage, extremely unhappy and can not stand being in the same house as me...a very tense sitch.

Yesterday I came in from the garage after working out to (extremely angry tone)
W: "I asked your son to go shovel the driveway (lots of snow yesterday) to which he replied I was waiting for dad to tell us because he's the one that usually tells us what to do"

W: "This is what I have to deal with everyday and you making plans and you flying around here like super person trying to do everything and take care of everything"

W: "And I deal with whining from the kids when I ask them to do something"

W: "Being around here for the last 3 days with you is more than I can handle" (The weekend so we're both home all day long)


I responded "I am sorry you have a hard time being around me"

M: "I also deal with the kids whining when being asked to do something"

M: "Are there specific situations or examples of me making plans?" (There was no response to this)

M: "I feel like you think I am being the selfish one" I completely worded this statement wrong, because I got

W: "So you are accusing me of being selfish?"

W: "You think this has all been easy for me?, Just because I haven't worked all these years and you supported us and I've taken advantage of the situation and I'm just doing what I want to do now?"

I said "No, I meant that I feel like you think everything I do is only out of selfishness but it is not"

And I finished with "I am not doing anything wrong"

W: "You don't even understand how to be in a relationship"

That was basically the end of it, the kids were around the house so we weren't going to keep going on, I don't even know why she wants to engage me in an argument, we are 2 months into divorce proceedings. She refuses to do marriage counseling or even just for herself. I have not mentioned counseling since early summer, except that we will need counseling on how to co-parent.

I am always nice, positive around the home. I don't initiate conversation, never R conversation. I don't respond when she is being negative about anything.

I know we are here because of my irresponsible, devastating choices in the past. I just don't know what else to do, we can't work on anything together, I am working on many things to make myself better and have been for 4 years, kids are my focus.

We have a FOC conference including kids in less than 3 weeks and the kids know nothing about divorce, waiting for my wife to say that we need to sit down with them, don't know why she is waiting...I am going to have to bring it up if she doesn't.