Wii, I wish I enjoyed these coffee dates. I mean, they aren't bad, but weird when a priest tries to slip you the tongue! It is really tough this time of the year watching couples and for me, especially, families with little kids. It's always been a huge trigger for me. I think for the first 2 years after bomb drop, I couldn't go in a store or the mall around Chritsmas, because a mom and a dad and a baby in a stroller would trigger automatic tears in public. I never got to experience the whole family experience at Christmastime. I will admit, I watch everyone on FB with their family adventures this time of the year, and I cry.
DonH, I know you are one of the people who totally understand what I am going through as you are living it. We have gone on the longest without a new real long term relationship or remarriage. Too bad we don't live closer, I am sure we would have a blast! I truly have no idea what course I am on. I swear, my theme song is "Here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone"
I wish there someone I wanted to kiss and snuggle with, even if it's just to ease the pain right now. But nope.
While I made a very conscious decision to no longer give my energy to or care about a particular person who doesn't give a crap about me, my mind can't really help but go back there this time of year. It was the roughtest for us. One day he was telling his daughter that he loved me (I'll never forget it). A week later, he just stopped talking to me. I kept thinking maybe I was so happy, but really, only in when y feelings weren't being jerked around.
ANyways, I can't wait to tell my priest story at work tomorrow. It makes very good lunch talk. I was thinking about it last night. He probably hasn't had sex in 10 years. OMG! I'm sure he anxious to do so.
Is it possible to be happy and sad? I think that's what I am. Both happy and sad. A sadness has been lingering and is a part of me, but I am not unhappy. My job has been taking a toll on me too. I am miserably bored, my days are sooooooo slow. I miss human interaction, patient interaction, we got in trouble for talking at work, so now we basically put our heads down and work a very repetitive job. Not what I became a nurse for. But my family comes first. Nothing I can do about it.
Yup, I am happy but sad.
And DOn, will you please update? I am sitting here on the edge of my seat!
