I spent last night in MBR, as planned, with having guest bed taken for visitor.
It was fine, maybe a bit too comfortable. We were under our individual covers, so not too close physically although at one point in the night I realised I had put my hand out to her.
Then this morning, WW asked if I wanted to have sex... I declined, mainly because of my vas reversal operation, It's too soon anyway. I'm not sure I would have had the fortitude to say no otherwise if I am brutally honest. IT just throws me that she wants to tell me we don't have an R on Friday because I am controlling her by blocking her Skype access, then is telling OM she loves him via Google hangouts, then she wants me also.
Even though I knew I was being too close, I could keep my mind more objective. It felt like she was wanting to keep a foot in both camps, or really to have her cake and eat it.
Later that morning she said that she was going to get our son to help move the spare double bed from D's room to the spare room. That caused the first ruckus. I said there was no way I was ever going back in that spare room. I could continue to stay in the MBR, as it had been fine, and it was my room as well, or I was happy to stay in with D and look after her when she wakes up in the night (I'm a light sleeper, WW isn't). She wouldn't have that, said I was been unfair to our daughter, I shouldn't be in her room, and anyway she was going to have a friend staying round so I couldn't be in then anyway, trying to make it me being awkward and causing friction.
I did tell her that I would be moving back into MBR at some point, and was intending to do so before Christmas. She could stay in if she liked.
The day was a combination of usual family BAU, various snide comments and bickering followed by periods of acting as if nothing was wrong. When I told her that I found what she was doing disrespectful, she didn't seem to care, and when I described what she was doing as an affair, she would keep saying 'I'm not having an affair', refusing to acknowledge the EA as an A.
Then later, after dinner, she asked me if I had been onto her phone in the night and accessed her skype. I hadn't, and told her so. When I said I wasn't lying she said 'someone is' and 'you're being framed then' - all a bit cryptic but sounds like OM is trying to stir it up by lying to her and blame me. She knows I don't bother lying to her. I'll either be honest or say I don't want to discuss it. She also said that she would be cutting contact with OM, slowly but surely!!! I despair sometimes.
Later in the evening, and I don't know how it came up, she even had the gall to say that I could come back in the MBR, when she was ready, just not yet! I really struggled not to react to that one. I know neither of us are angels but she is no way the victim in this one.
I think it was shortly after that I informed her that I couldn't feel in R with her while she continued to communicate with OM in the house and continue her EA. She didn't like that, but used it as another reason why I couldn't come back into MBR. I said that I would be coming back in there, and that it was my home too.
Then later at bedtime, once D was asleep and WW had got into bed, she wanted me to give her a kiss. I did after a second ask. She then said I neglected her, and I agreed but that it was difficult at the moment. She then said she meant before the EA had started. I acknowledge that and that we had both done many things that were wrong and that we would need to work on together in the future, once EA is severed and we are working on our R. I told WW wife that she was putting EA first, thinking it was more important than our R. She said it wasn't. I said if that was true, she would have ended it.
Really feels like she wants to have cake and eat it. Also feels like she will want to sweep it under rug once it is over, and basically ignore he turmoil and upheaval it has caused. I'm sure she has convinced herself she is the victim in all of this. When I told her it would take a long time to work things out, once the EA was over, she was all 'no it won't , we can soon be back to how things were'... No way. I let her know that 'how things were' was obviously not working, and we both needed to fix a lot of things, most probably with professional help. She wasn't receptive to this idea either. Apparently we are British, we don't need to use therapists! probably explains why we're so screwed up over here!
Last thing she wanted me to hold her and kiss her, but I told her I couldn't while things were like they were. She went a bit cooler after that, but I think in a more understanding sort of way. Things are different, this isn't a game, and it wan't about me being angry and trying to get at her. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for me to hold her, but where would that leave me? Would just open me up for more pain the next time something bad happens. Not sure if this is detachment, or distance or what, but felt like the right thing for me.
D
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18