Help - boundaries. Am I doing th ewrong thing?

[Woke_Up]

V, your examples really do make so much sense to me, although I do feel for you having to have gone through the experience to need to set them.

With the skype thing, as it is mostly IM rather than VOIP, I don't so much hear it as catch her using it when I walk in a room, or have seen the domain been accessed via OpenDNS (originally used to keep teenage son off unsuitable websites, but also gave me far too much inclination to snoop). It was the knowledge that was driving me mad, that she would keep doing such a thing in our home, when I am there. What really made me angry was that she has involved him in our lives sent pics of the kids, etc etc. I blew up at her the time I found that out and made her delete the pic I had seen on her Skype, but because she deletes her convo history regularly, she couldn't delete the other pics she had sent in the past. The thought of some random weirdo having photo's of my children... well I expect you know how I feel.

The house is in joint names, we have separate accounts, and I pay mortgage and all bills, she tends to do the food shopping etc. I work as a contractor/consultant, and I employ her as an admin (works for tax reasons) and she is also 25% shareholder of my company. As pointed out elsewhere, I could make her start paying for her own connection, but the consequence is really just the ball-ache of doing it rather than financial, as it all comes from my employment anyway.

I really like your approach to the MBR issue though. I will be going there. I haven't pushed it yet, other than to tell her I will be moving back in there before Christmas. I was in there last night, but this morning she was talking about putting the spare double bed (currently in my daughter's room) into the spare room. I said fine, but there was no way I was going in that room, I had been in there a while before )as it was next to my daughter's room) and was in there when I found out about EA, and psychologically I would struggle going back in there. I stated that I could stay in MBR or stay in looking after my daughter. So I am in daughter's room tonight, although daughter changed mind and went into mummy's room at last minute, so I'm feeling a bit of a lemon.

I'll try and post on today's events, it will help me rationalise them.