Under a Big Umbrella

[HaWho]

Hi all - thanks for the kind words. Bttrfly, I fly in on the 23rd. Sooo excited.

Even though this one was a nice letter, I am so over receiving letters. Next time he gives me any letter, I am going to give it back, unopened, and tell him I am no longer interested in being pen pals. (I remember a boy in middle school passing me notes that were folded into perfect triangles and I will tell h my last pen pal was waaaay more creative.) In fact? Maybe I should buy one of those "return to sender" stamps to boot.

I had tons of anger over this letter. It triggered me back to the worse letter but also to the fact that this letter was total BS. In it h wrote that he's been "restoring my honor" with sleeze bag guy for 3-4 years. A total lie. How do I know? I only told him about the issue with the guy 20 months ago. He became "friends" with him 3 years ago and looks like he's trying to justify all his time with him. Good luck with that one! How exactly was he "restoring my honor" by socializing heavily with a sleeve bag?!?

H accidentally sent me a text intended for his mother. It was a birthday wish. He added all sorts of cheerful icons - streamers and fireworks and signed it from "all of us." Keeping up that facade.

There is more PA behavior surfacing. He sent me a text about something to do with finances, erroneously blaming me for something. He sent it in the middle of the night. I heard him clanking around in the kitchen and knew something was up. He woke me up so I turned on my phone and he'd blown it up with 5 texts.

Mid - morning I went to the stinky room to discuss. I corrected his false info. He disputed it. I explained a few things. He looked away the whole time. So brave behind the screen, so cowardly in person.

I left to walk the dog. When I returned there were additional texts from him. All more nonsense. H was out but but S13 was on his phone talking to h on speaker. When they were done, I asked to talk to h.

I clarified two financial things he had texted to me, all while we were on speaker phone. He knew the kids could hear. I was polite but firm and quick. He just said ok. He sounded surprised and small. Let's see if he text spews. So far not. I see him trying to assert lots of control where he has no business doing so.

I was run down Friday. I had been upset with all these past triggers. I am sure I looked run down. H asked me what was wrong and I just said I wasn't feeling well. He ordered in. Later in the evening he passed the kids a box of tissues and asked them to bring it up to me. The next day, while out he texted me to ask if I was up for x and y.

His hair started to veer back into mullet land. Earlier in the week, s13 at dinner (!) said that x friend was laughing at his mullet. H said: "I have a mullet????" S13 said yes. S11 and s13 had a field day over it. A few hours later I inadvertently found myself starting at the mullet and h knew it.

A few days later he returned home with his hair the shortest it's been in a long while. (It looked good but I didn't say anything as maybe this would encourage him to grow it long again. I complemented last haircut and here it was longer again so time to try the opposite.) Saturday, in the car h told me he cut his hair. He said he is sans mullet. I said it looked good and he looked much younger. (I know THIS is the end goal for anyone in MLC).

As for me? I am tired. I need a break from him. I need a break from this.