Now boundaries have follow up too, boundaries are not punishments. So we are reasonable and rational.
So in the example I gave on WH swearing at me on the phone and not stopping.
I followed it up at an agreed time with
When you swore at me on the phone I was very upset and had to cut your calls. I would like that we communicate well and without swearing. Can we agree to that please?
Can you tell me what was upsetting you?
WH responded he could say what he wanted it was a free country. ---------------------
We discussed last week that I am upset when I am sworn at on the phone and this has happened again. You agreed that you would not swear at me.
What can we do about this?
WH nothing I say makes any difference to you, you make me swear at you
V I don't agree but you are entitled to your view
Etc etc etc
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October 2014
Can we discuss please you drawing cash for your personal use from our joint account. That account is for Bills and it makes planning difficult for me. We have one card in my name for the account and if you cease to use the card for personal items then neither will I.
Please pay for your gambling and entertaining from your own account and I will pay for any of mine likewise.
I suggest that in an emergency we can check with each other the use and refund the sums.
What are your thoughts?
WH: V you are boring, I pay the money into the account for Bills, it's mine to take out if I choose to and I can spend it any way I want to
V: I don't agree at all, the money is to cover bills and I make up the difference if there is a deficit
WH: well I can't afford to pay my half into the account, so I am no longer going to pay to the joint account it's your fault V you are so crap with money and a s..t payer, you are taking the p..s with me. It's your house that I am paying for. You should sell it and give me money, I hate this house
V: WH we have no mortgages so it is just bills from that account. Well ok in which case since you are no longer going to be paying the bills please do not draw cash from the account
Then on 2 May 1016 he took the card to the casino
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And follow up at agreed time:
Your timesheets and invoice were not on the server for me to make your payment and invoice the clients.
Can you explain to me why this is?
On this occasion I will pay you on time, can we agree that if there is an issue in future you will advise me so we can agree an ACTION? Please understand I am making an exception this time that I may chose not to make next time?
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You usually pay your invoices on time and on this occasion it was late. Is there a PROBLEM?
We do apply a penalty on late payment automatically. Can you let me know if there is a problem please in future so we can agree a strategy?
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So
WW on Tuesday you Skype OM and I could hear you. I have said that I will no longer pay for the WiFi for you to Skype and also be upset in my home. That isn't what I want particularly as it increases cost, can we agree you will cease to Skype so I can hear you?
WW I intend to stay in the MBR as this is my home, I would prefer you to be with me in the MBR and what you do is your choice and you can sleep in the MBR with me. Can we discuss what you would like to do? On Wed?
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This is how I worked it. It was the best I could do. I forgive myself.
Sadly WH took my card and withdrew cash at the casino (I have a text alert on the cards usage), he also paid for OW flight on it. So when he issued his ultimatum I called it.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
