Just checking in! I took a 4-day weekend so have been enjoying it and relaxing. Got some Christmas shopping done, went out with a friend Friday night, did some dates with my kids, played with the new puppy. I feel amazingly relaxed. I had been dealing with a pulled back muscle, but it has been good for a week now, so am slowly working back into weight training.
I actually changed my mind on the birthday card. It is probably temperature taking, and quite honestly, even if it meant something to her, my guess is that it would simply make her find something ugly to say to balance out the fact she can't make me the bad guy anymore.
My IC has me doing some homework about the "feelings" I have when I think about SO and it took me a couple of days, but I think I have it nailed down. As I think back, even after she admitted to seeing OM, she talked about how I was handy and he wasn't, how he was just "nice", bought me a watch and told me how sexy it looked, basically said I was more "interesting" than he was. She pointed out many times how amazing I was doing as far as being healthy relationally and how proud she was of me, and actually said at one point, "You're exactly who I wanted". Then to basically in the space of a week turn into a monster...
Maybe it's a romanticized viewpoint, but isn't that what love is? Working through a tough situation where two people have brought their own baggage - and not only defeating that tough situation, but coming out a better man. And I didn't just become a better person in our relationship, but I feel like I'm a better father, better friend, my faith is stronger, etc.
I wonder if there are others on here who have maybe gotten to a point of general acceptance, but are stuck where I am, and it's a question of "Why?" It's a rhetorical question I guess, and I already know not to try to rationalize a broken mind, but still...
I'm not really stuck on this, but it surfaces in my mind from time to time, so just journaling it here.
