Moving on to the next phase

[ciluzen]

I agree, pax. At some point, the reading and learning about MLC is done. We've achieved an understanding of what our S (or former S) is going through, and also with that an understanding that they have to go it alone for the most part. That's what I love about this forum and MWD's books...we can really only help our situation by focussing on creating the best "self" that we can, and letting them have the space to go through whatever it is they are going through; MLC or whatever.

They can be depressed, spiteful, mean, lonely, happy or sad with their new life. What does it really matter to us if they don't want us to be a part of it? If they withdraw into depression, we can be sad for them. If they lash out in anger, we can step away and L up to protect ourselves. If they are happy in their new life, its harder I think; but again, I guess we just have to look away and be happy that they found happiness. Throughout it all, that's what we should be focussing on for ourselves anyway; our own happiness without them. We should have been doing that all along, instead of thinking they could provide it all for us. Boy, that's a lot of pressure to put on someone!

Its normal to question what they're doing and why, and to try to figure them out. But at some point we realize that it won't bring the old relationship back; we've learned all about MLC and motives and its up to them to make their own way through. They may or may not want to revisit or reconnect, and that may or may not be nice depending on where we have taken ourselves, but we have really no control over that. So, we move forward and get happy. Its the best thing anyone can do for themselves.