Moving on to the next phase

[Sotto]

Hi Pax, I agree with you about the reading. It's incredibly helpful - to a point. Then it is best to let it go and focus on ourselves. You now understand that MLC may well be a feature and also that there are some traits in your STBX that you may have overlooked at the time - and may have big concerns about going forwards, if there were to be any reconciliation.

I feel the same way about XH. I do think MLC was a feature - he was mid 40s - felt he had a void within - lost a pile of weight - got really fit - resigned from his job - rescinded it - decided to start 'dating' whilst M - had an A etc...

Equally, he and I met a year after he and XW1 had S. They weren't yet D'd at that point. A few months after we had been dating, she asked him to go to counselling and he dropped that bomb on me. Then (red flag) he asked if we could carry on seeing each other whilst he tried that with her. I said absolutely not. He then contacted me nine months or so later to say they were getting D'd and wondered if I would like to meet up. I said yes. In hindsight, there were big concerns that I overlooked because I was so keen to be loved and accepted by someone. I would feel hugely concerned about this pattern with XH if we were ever to be together going forwards.

At the time, I put it down to him struggling in the aftermath of his first marriage breakdown. But then I layer on the behaviour in our M - and I see that his coping skills aren't great and he struggles to deal constructively and honourably with R struggles.

Don't worry about the Xmas lights - that's on him right? And good for you with the bikini challenge :-) xx