Cherry. Just trying to get on with life

[Vanilla]

Sorry SH, I rarely disagree with you and I do this time

Courts aren't rational they are fact based and there is no requirement for being logical at all

Any report by him of this will go on the record

So frankly I really don't like it not one bit

False allegations of this type are very serious, all it takes is for MIL to change her mind if her son is at risk and there could be an issue

It's slander at best and unpleasant

V

[SH_]

Correct V the courts are fact base...

What facts exist here?
This is a silly accusation from some point in the marriage.
There is zero physical evidence

Document it and report it to a lawyer...but to worry and stress about it solves nothing.

Cherry, the conversation is based only on what you have shared here...
Care for yourself and treat this as seriously as you beleive it to be with all the facts that you have....I caution that added fuel to this may not be needed if emotion is slid over and facts are the focus...
But I caution that it is not shared here and then a dozen opinions on the matter blow it out of proportion...

Rape allegation are serious...unfortunatly more actual ones go unfollowed up on because of lack of evidence...
But preposterous allegation that have no evidence are surely tossed out...
I know that my experience here in the US law enforcement may be a slight bit different, but I can't imagine the U.K. being that different in making you the perpetrator from false allegations without physical evidence...in what you have shared...

My point is try to avoid making a mountain out of a mole hill if possible...seek legal counsel and I would imagine you have the leverage for allegations of slander towards him...

Vanilla, I am not saying that your advice for documentation and vigilance is not warrented, just that the swirling here can be taken seriously without Cherry being worked up if it is all for nought.

My 2 c

[Pax_luv]

Cherry,

This is certainly low, scummy, and egregious behavior. As others have stated, protect yourself and take care of yourself.. I personally think this is a bold accusation and whether you think its real or "fluff" it's not something to be taken lightly. I'm so sorry you are going through this. What a $&@:&:&:&$:-.

[Vanilla]

SH

Where there are children in the house they would be investigated here.

V

[Cherry]

I really don't think he would have the balls and come out with such utter trash to anyone official. And surely they would look at the bigger picture, look at the character. A man who has walked out on his family, had a couple incidents with the police over suicidal behaviour. The fact that he claims this happened somewhere just after our S was born. Though he was in a relationship with me and went on to conceive another child with me two years down the line. I have been through a rape ordeal, and I'm sure I speak for others who have been in my situation- but you don't want to see that persons face ever again, even hearing the guys name gets my stomach in knots and my brain working over time.

I am wondering wether to seek legal advise and sue for slander. I also feel like screaming at him and tell him not to come near me ever again.

I'm not really sure what to do, so for now. I am going to leave it, not forget it or play ignorant to it, but not let it drag me down.

He is truly turning into some kind of jealous psychopath who cannot stand to see me keeping it together and getting on with life!

[Surfer]

Cherry

You should pay zero attention to this. It's clearly horsesh!t. Stick with the bhudda view. Don't take his gift. Others won't either.

My W said "well how do I know you haven't being seeing people" - when I confronted her about EA (which happened no evidence of PA). She admitted to EA, they always admit to the lowest provable act....I just said how have I? 100% no chance. I later had her cousin confront me with the same words exactly.

What does it tell you? They are on a rollercoaster. They want people to see you in a bad light so they side with their rediculous ways. They lie, gaslight you and they broadcast re-written history and propaganda. That's what they do. This is just an extreme version.

BTW if 99% of the male population were confronted with the option of a 20 something atteactive girl being 'up for fun' even if they were not - they would say 2 things, where do I sign and how much does it cost! Sorry, making light I know but hey, like I said. It's utter horsesh!t. Pay no mind to it. Be Bhudda. Don't even talk about to anyone off the board about it or even on if you can help it. Thinking about it even is self torture.

Surfer.

[JksD]

(((Cherry)))

I am sorry about your wh's horrible allegations. How hurting and painful it must be for you!

Do you have a lawyer? If you do, you could bring up this incident and ask for legal opinion. You could just put this on record and not act on it. Just to protect yourself.

And then like what SH and surfer have suggested, step away from this. These are the crazy rumblings of a very lost and disturbed man who feels cornered. Do what you must to protect yourself and then put yourself out of the way of the impending car crash.

Cherry, my views here will be controversial. Have you talked to your mil about validation? I don't know how possible it is for her to adopt the condemn the sin but not the sinner stance towards wh. Your wh seems to be trying to win your mil over with more extreme measures the more she sides with you.

Btw, I don't condone any of your wh's actions. And I do think that he's a big selfish jerk and asshat. But this big selfish jerk comes off as desperate and lost.

[Cherry]

Thanks surfer, and thanks for the lighthearted stance! I am in no way some crazed woman leaping on whatever man comes my way!

Grl, thank you too. Yes I do have an L, but thinks have pretty much been on standby as I don't want to push the D. I do have the option to file on him as he seems to have stopped, but that would mean I have to foot the bill. I have mentioned validation to her, but she is a very strong minded woman, and she is beyond angry that he could even suggest such a thing. I've offered to step away if she felt I was getting in the way of their relationship, but she won't have any of it. She has strong views that his suicide cries where a touch of boy who cried wolf.

He really does come across lost. But this is none of my doing. I don't contact him or bother with him in any way. He's got what he wanted. I think he is the type of wayward who will never admit to their wrong doings.

Thank you all for stopping by with your words of support. Being such a sensitive topic, it's not one I wish to voice to people I know, it really helps to be able to open up here. I've had a restful evening, surfer- a face mask just for you. This is not the kind of stress a 7 month pregnant woman needs.

[Vanilla]

It will unfold in time Cherry. I am sure.

Waywards are as they are.

Sigh........

V

[Surfer]

Cherry,

I don't know as much a V. She is kind of 100% down the road in seeing this behaviour. I have had a lot of time of experiencing very similar behaviour but am only starting to package up my responses efficiently. Of course I have packaged my responses before but if you check V's validation comments on my thread they are 'Gold Dust'.

Please take time to read them and commit them to your habitual reactions. I know you are amazing at this anyway and your Achilles is your S's interactions and WH's Bullshiddle but your strength now comes from learning to categorise his verbal responses and then react appropriately verbally and physically (which you are already legendary at IMHO), but mostly in you emotional reactions - where you seem to spin. That, IMO, takes understanding the lies for what they are, paying no mind, and reacting with textbook (V's way). He will lie, he will talk bullsh!t you will not control that of course. You will control you more and more however. Look how far you have come!

I hope this helps you.

Surfer.