Help - boundaries. Am I doing th ewrong thing?

[Woke_Up]

]OK - suggestion - read the pursuit and distance thread, and apply that to what you have written above.

On it. It's quite difficult. She managed to push my buttons again and I reacted.

Then she sent me a message saying that she won't beg or grovel or conform to rules or boundaries, that she smashes them down to allow herself to breathe - that she can't bring herself to do it even when it hurts her self.

I just acknowledged that I understood.

Then she responded that she still loved me, she just can't be a caged animal.

I didn't respond to that, have just been keeping it to house & kids stuff.

I will read the pursuit & distance stuff, see how I can apply it. I then need to work out the best way to approach her with the fact that I am not prepared to be in R with her while she continues the EA. As you may have guessed, she can be quite volatile, and I am no angel either when it comes to keeping my outbursts in check.

There is also the issue that I may be back in the MBR tonight (my son's gf is staying over, so needs the spare bed). Once I clarify my position on R, I imagine I will be not welcome in the MBR and there may be a battle if I want to stay in there. I'm sure it's once I can actually win if I choose, but I want to choose my battles and their timing carefully at this stage, as I am still learning and honestly still quite easy to set off, the emotions are still raw.

There will be no temptation for romance in the bedroom. We tend to use individual duvets (comforters) anyway, plus, you'll like this one: I had a vasectomy reversal 10 days ago! It was something we had agreed before I discovered EA. Put it off at one point, then WW was asking for it again when I thought she was getting rid of EAP. I went through with it, hoping that either she would have resolved her issues by now, or that we will solve them at some point in the future. If I left it much later the success rate would drop. I see it as better to have a loaded gun and not need it than need it and not have one. I don't think there is much chance of a SL at the moment, nor would I want one at this stage. We have had one throughout, which is weird, but when you're a couple I guess it is also usual.