Coly, I am concerned for you, and much in the same ways I am concerned for other posters here. The reason that DB focuses on GAL, 180s, and detachment is because that is what works. It may not work to bring the M back but it is the only thing that works to heal the self and move forward in life.

I don't see you doing this. I see you focusing on H--where he is at and what his next move will be--and you are very dependent on him for security and a false sense of happiness. This is unhealthy and I would strongly urge you to do some reading on breaking codependency and codependency no more.

Let's step out of the details (who texted what, and when, the tree and chocolates, your pursuing, etc) for a moment and look at the bigger picture. Your H picked up and left you and your D with no explanation or care for how you are doing. This is cruel and painful and it's okay to be angry.

I sense that you are feeling low about yourself and hoping desperately that he will come around. That is/was all of us to some extent. Keep in mind that you can control the former but not the latter. You can learn to feel better about you but you cannot control or influence if he comes back.

You have high expectations that he will come back around. And he very well may. What can you do in the mean time to be okay without him? Do you honestly need a man to decorate a tree and pick it up when it falls? I used to be that woman and I cringe to think of it now! ... If he does come back to work on the M, then what will you expect of him? Are you not hurt and angry for what he has done? Do you not deserve better than to just allow him back in your heart and life and trust he won't hurt you again?

You see I think he should be doing and saying these things BEFORE being granted entry back into the M. He is not a mouse in a hole that you need to tiptoe around. He is a man, husband, and a stepfather with real life responsibilities. I would like to see you expect that of him first and foremost. This is what you deserve.

I think it's time to take focus off of his every move and do what is needed for YOU, so you can learn what you actually deserve from a man. If you think this is what you deserve then this is the real issue at hand, not salvaging the M.

2*4 with love,
Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela