Coffee and spinning

[Coly23]

Hello everyone! Thank you for your posts and sorry I haven't responded in a while. I'm just finding it hard to put things down in writing at the moment because I'm bit really sure what to think of my sitch at the moment.

The only trouble with not posting regularly is that this is going to be a long lost so apologies!!

So since I last posted H came over last Sunday and went out with us to buy a Christmas tree and we also went out for lunch. When we came back he helped us decorate the tree and it was actually a really nice day. On the Friday before I was on the train into the city and got a missed call from H so texted him and he said that he was calling D but as out phones are connected on the cloud I got it as a missed call. So without thinking I asked if he wanted to go for a drink that evening as D was out and he came back and suggested the cinema. We had a lovely evening.

On the Monday H came and picked me up really early and took me to the train station, as I had an early train to catch, and then took my car to the garage for it's annual test. He then picked me up and dropped me home in the evening. He was due to stay for dinner but was full of cold so asked if he could take a rain check. Although we only showed concern both myself and D were a little disappointed.

I realise when I don't have contact with H my mind just spins out of control even when I am GAL'ng. I just can't seem to switch off. When I woke up on Tuesday I saw that the Christmas tree had fallen over and for some reason that made me tearful so I worked from home and just cried in between calls and actually working! I texted H to let him know the tree had fallen over and that me and D had a go at sorting it out. He offered to come over to tweak it either on the Thursday or Friday as he still wasn't well earlier in the week and agreed to come over yesterday (Friday) to sort it out and have dinner with us. Again we had a lovely evening. H brought wine and pudding and some chocolates to hang on the tree (I don't know if you have that where you all are but here in the UK tree chocolates are a must!)

My observations are that since my melt down with H he seems to have softened slightly. I no longer wait for hours/days for a response to my texts and he actually keeps the conversations going unlike before when I got very short responses in which he made sure no response from me was required!

This week we have also had some chat about D's birthday. As I explained before he has offered to make her a cake and suggested we meet for brunch this morning (Saturday) to talk about it and go and have a look at some cake tins for hire (?). Unfortunately I had to decline as my parents are over this morning helping me with some stuff. It got me thinking though that my request for one day a week for the both of us to go out and also having a day a week to spend as a family is going to be difficult to achieve at this time of the year so I texted H with another request/solution. I suggested that we should spend as much time as a family as possible during this time to rebuild as a family and then in the NY we can look at how he and I can move forward in order to rebuild our relationship.

As soon as I sent the text I felt my stomach flip over and regretted it! I realise I am very impulsive (you all probably realise that by now too!!) and that is a trait I need to control more. I started winding myself up thinking of all the different responses I could get including the one I got before which was 'not at the moment' or 'I can't promise anything' or just plain 'NO'!!! When his text finally came through I didn't look at it for an age and in the end I 'screwed my courage to the sticking place' and opened it.... He said 'Yeah, good idea' and then proceeded to tell me about a restaurant he booked for D's birthday.

Not sure what to think. His response seems positive but vague. I know what I am doing is working because we all seem to be much more relaxed however because of the vagueness I am worried that I'm going to start to push for more certainty and then in turn push him away.

I agree with Blu in that I'm not sure he is having MLC but I do know he seems a little depressed so I need to tread carefully. Does this look like we are going in the right direction or am I just trying scrabbling for breadcrumbs again? Heeelp!!!